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“I do choose you.” A lump rises in my throat as I look at Deja, seeing the evidence of her broken heart all over her face. “Of course, I choose you and your mom. You guys are the best things to ever happen to me.”
“Then why haven’t you told Mom that?”
“I think your mom needs some time before she’s ready to listen to me.”
“She misses you. A lot. She won’t tell me that she does, but I know it. She cries in her sleep sometimes, says your name a lot.”
Running my hands through my hair, I say, “Way to rip out my heart, kid.”
“You ripped out ours first.” Deja blinks away the tears. She doesn’t look at me again as she walks to the front door and leaves.
Jason resumes dumping out the bottles, glancing at me every now and then as he does it. I slump against the wall, wondering what there is that I can do. Yes, Deja says Tracey misses me, but she hasn’t reached out. If she had, I certainly wouldn’t have been wasting my time getting drunk last night. And besides, all my calls to her have been left unanswered, and when I go to her place she doesn’t even let me in.
“What are you going to do?” Jason asks after he dumps the last bottle and turns to face me. “You going to grow a fucking pair, or are you going to continue to pretend there’s nothing you can do to fix this shit?”
“What do you mean?”
“Deja just told you everything you’ve been waiting to hear as you wallow in your misery. So, what are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know. She doesn’t want me in her life, not after what Mom did to her.”
“Mom is acting bitchy, so you aren’t going to bring Tracey and Deja around her anymore. Maybe you should tell her that. Maybe you should find her and tell her that the moment you met her is the moment you started living again.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’ve been nothing but a hollow shell for years. You go to work, you come home from work. You attend every family function and hate every minute of it. You never do anything for yourself. Years ago, you never would have been like that. After all, you stood up for your own damn self and refused to work in the family business. You paved your own way instead.”
“You might be right,” I say, slumping against the wall and running my hands through my hair. “I’ve really messed everything up.”
“Yeah, you have. But it’s never too late to try and fix everything.”
“You think she’d take me back?”
Jason shrugs. “You won’t know unless you try.”
I nod, and a picture begins to take shape in my mind, a picture of my future… our future, or at least the possibility of it. I want Tracey in my life. I need her like I need oxygen. I want us to grow old together. I want Deja to be mine. She and Deja are the loves of my life. And if Tracey wants it as much as I do, we could have another child. My heart has enough room to love more children, as long as it’s what we both want. In my mind, I can see everything coming together now. And I want it all.
I shake my head, still a little incredulous about Deja coming over and giving me a piece of her mind. It shouldn’t have come down to a teenager pushing me around, but her presence did help me to pull my damn head out of my ass.
Yes, Deja is right. It’s time for me to fight for her and Tracey.
I just hope it isn’t too late.
Chapter Twenty-One
Tracey
The summer air is sticky, and carried on the breeze are the smells of burning fires and barbecue. I stand on my front porch, a glass of wine in hand as Deja snaps a few more pictures. I’ve become her model over the last few days, posing whenever she asks. For the first time, she has a vision of her future, and I’m going to do everything I can to help her achieve it.
Today that means coming home from work to have a camera shoved in my face and a glass of wine pushed into my hand. Not that I’m complaining about the glass of wine, mind you. It has been a long day of visiting families and deciding whether or kids should be rehomed. The decisions always weigh heavily on my mind, haunting me if it turns out I’ve made the wrong decision.
“Okay, I think I have the shot I need,” Deja says, looking down at her camera. “Can you go get changed into that pretty green dress? I have a few pictures I want to take on the swing in the backyard.”
I roll my eyes, a smile on my face. I’m soaking up every moment of her wanting to spend time together, knowing that in just over a year she’ll be heading off to college.
“Alright, give me a few moments and I’ll be ready.”
She grins and nods, following me inside before heading straight to the backyard. I make my way up the stairs and wander to the shower. The lukewarm water melts away the stress of the day, grounding me in the reality of my home life.
