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By the time I change and pick out a horror movie to watch, Dawn’s storming through my front door. She has a bottle of white wine in one hand and a giant tub of rocky road ice cream in the other. Dawn drops the ice cream and wine on the table before pulling me into a tight hug. I can feel the tears gathering at the back of my eyes as I hug her back, trying to keep control of myself, even as everything else is spinning out around me.
“Everything’s going to be okay.” Her voice is so soothing, it’s like she’s draping a warm blanket around me. “You’re a good mother, and you’re doing the best you can with Deja.”
The tears start pouring again at her words. Dawn holds me as I cry, not bothering to step away or try to make me feel better. That’s the best thing about my dear friend. If I want to wallow in my grief, she lets me wallow.
“Alright,” she says when I finally pull away and get myself together. “Let’s watch a movie and eat some junk food.”
I laugh and follow her into the living room, dimming the lights and settling onto the couch beside her. Dawn’s quick to open the bottle of wine and we pass it back and forth, both taking long swigs of the alcohol straight from the bottle. We’re classy like that. For a moment, I’m transported away from my reality and brought back to our high school years when we would pass stolen bottles between us and not worry about the future.
Now, all I seem to do is worry.
“I think I need to start dating again,” I say, my mind hazy as the wine does its job. “Jake’s getting married. Did I tell you that?”
“No.” Dawn hiccups and rolls her eyes. “It doesn’t surprise me, though. He’s always been a dickhead.”
“I don’t think Deja knows yet. He’s probably going to make me tell her since he has squirrel balls.”
“Squirrel balls?” Dawn asks, giggling as she shakes her head.
“Yeah, like balls the size of a squirrel’s.” I pinch my thumb and pointer fingers together, a tiny space between them. “Like this big.”
Dawn snorts. “I think dating’s a great idea. You’re still gorgeous, and any man would be lucky to have you.”
“I have no clue how to date anymore.”
“Give me your phone,” Dawn says, putting down the wine bottle and holding out her hand. “We’re getting you on some dating apps.”
I roll my eyes, handing her my phone. “Nobody’s going to be looking for a woman in her mid-forties with a child.”
Dawn points the phone at me. “Lean forward, push your boobs together, and smile.”
I huff a laugh. “Nope. Not happening.”
“Fine, I’ll scroll through your photo gallery and get something I can use.”
Dawn snuggles in beside me, leaning her head on my shoulder as she taps away on my phone. Butterflies erupt in my stomach at the thought of dating again. It’s been a long time, and I have no idea what to do. At least I have Dawn to help. She giggles to herself as she types in my hobbies: long walks on the beach, watching Denzel Washington movies, and comparing the size of animal testicles.
“You can’t put that.”
“I can. It shows your sense of humor.”
She adds a few photos to the profile before handing the phone back to me with a triumphant smirk on her face. In the corner there’s a message bubble with a three in the center. I tap the message section and squeal at the first message, throwing my phone into Dawn’s lap. She cackles as she looks at the picture of a dick on the screen.
“That’s not so bad. Go to the next message.”
Adam:I like comparing the size of testicles too. I find the best way to compare my left and right is to have them in a woman’s mouth.
Harrison:Nice tits.
Michael:I want one night of wild sex with you.
Liam:Hi, Tracey. If your favorite movie is “Remember the Titans,” we’re going to have a lot to talk about.
“Liam is the only one that seems normal,” I say, my eyelids growing heavy as the movie credits roll.
“Well then, keep talking to him.”
“Tomorrow,” I say with a yawn as I nestle against the arm of the couch. “Right now, I just want to watch another movie.”
