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“Okay,” she finally says with a sniffle.
We walk out, successfully avoiding our tableand having to explain to Ellie’s mom where we’re going before having our orders taken. Once outside, I hand my ticket to the valet, and we wait for my car.
Ellie stands next to me, arms wrapped around herself as she shivers. I wrap my hands around her and run them along the length of her arms.
“Here,” I say when my attempt to warm her is failing. I remove my jacket and rest it on her shoulders.
“Thank you,” she whispers back. She looks up at me, her lips puckering together to blow out a shuddered sigh. She closes her eyes before taking a deep breath and repeats herself. “Thank you.”
My hand cradles her cheek. “You’re welcome.”
My car finally comes around, and I open the passenger side for her. I get in around the other side and face her.
“I don’t want you to think anything funny, but can I take you back to my place?”
She nods as a hint of a smile appears on her face. I turn the ignition, and we drive in silence until Ellie pulls out her phone and dials a number.
“Mom,” she says softly. I hear her mom on the other side of the phone asking what happened and where she went. “I’m fine. We just had to leave.”
They continue their conversation, Ellie apologizing and letting her mom know that she’ll be with me so she doesn’t worry before hanging up and placing her phone back in her purse. I take her hand in mine.
“I’m so sorry. I just… I didn’t know I would react this way to meeting Mark.”
“You don’t need to apologize,” I assure.
“I was really trying to keep myself together. I think it just got too overwhelming…”
We both stay silent.
“Can you just promise me one thing?” I finally ask. I see her look at me from the corner of my eye. “Don’t shut yourself out from the rest of the world.”
We’ve come to a stop at a traffic light. I face her, giving her my full attention.
“Because I don’t think I can ever wake up to a day where I don’t get to hold you in my arms.”
Her eyes twinkle, filling to the brim with her tears. I see her lower lip tremble before a tear trickles down her cheek.
She nods.
She reaches for my face and pulls me towards her, kissing me aggressively, the pain in her chest finally dissipating. I bring my hand up to her face, cradling her cheek then moving down to the base of her neck.
I can’t promise her the world like I want to. I want to so badly because I know that’s what she deserves, but the only world I can promise her is one where heartache and regret will always be a lingering presence. A constant shadow that will always remind us that happiness is just an illusion. But at this moment, when I hold her face in my hand and tears stream down her cheeks, I know that whatever I give her, it’ll be my all. It will be every ounce of my being to prove to her that I never want to see her hurt like this. To show her that her life, her happiness, means more to me than my own.
The car behind us impatiently honks its horn, alerting us that the light has turned green. I pull away from Ellie and continue driving, my hand never leaving her touch.
TWENTY-SEVEN
ELLIE
It’s cold and windy. I know it is because I see it. People around me shiver with the wind blowing in their faces. Laughing as they chase after their loved ones. I see a man and a woman embrace each other, leaning towards the wind so they don’t blow away. I don’t feel any of it. Instead, I feel nothing. But I hear it. The dark and menacing waves of the ocean crashing into each other. The mist floating along the surface of the water from the aftermath of the waves hitting the cold, fine sand swirling into the air like a tornado. My toes tickle the edges of the water. As the waves keep coming, my feet become buried under the sand. I look around, my legs feeling like they’ve been set in cement blocks, and all the people are gone. No sounds of echoing laughter, no more lovers holding on to each other, fighting the wind. Just me and the evading rush of water that inches itself closer.
“Ellie!”
I hear my name being called. I don’t know where it’s coming from, but it sounds distant and muffled. I turn to look, but I don’t see anyone. I twist my waist to move my feet, but they’re buried so deep, I can’t pull them out. I panic. I keep trying to pull my feet out. But I can’t, so I fall, turning towards the sound of my name.
“ELEANOR!”
I start clawing at the sand, but it’s no use. My feet are stuck, embedded into the sand, with no way for me to get out. Still, I struggle, because when you think you’re going to die, you do what you can to survive. You fight death.
