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We stare into each other’s eyes, no words as the both of us contemplate our future together. There are a dozen different thoughts that pass through his face, and I can’t fully place a single one. Minute flashes of regret, remorse, hurt, wistfulness, and even goodbye.
“Ellie, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I never wanted to get you involved in this life. It was never my intention for this… any of this—”
I cut off his words with a kiss and I can feel him relax. The edge that he carries through his words dull, and for a fraction of a second, I feel a fleeting moment of hope. I want to fade away all the fears that he carries. I want to tell him it’s okay as long as we have each other. But I don’t know how to tell him so it doesn’t sound like a broken record, repetitive and pointless. Because my words are anything but pointless. It’s a conviction that I want him to believe. To understand that we’re not as fragile as he thinks.
I feel a painful groan rumble through his chest. Even through the pain, his kiss is hungry, fervent and frenzied. But this isn’t a kiss of passion. It’s a kiss of farewell.
He pulls away and places his warm hand over my heart, his fingers brushing over the heavy thumping as if he’s trying to remember the rampant beats like the tempo in a song. And just as quickly, he lowers his hand, leaving me empty in the absence of his touch. His movements are sudden and abrupt but thoroughly calculated. As if he already knows his next move and every decision is with purpose, regardless of if it’s for the right reasons.
“We’ll talk later.” His voice is hoarse and rough, the ache seeping through his words. His hardened expression, the beat of the tick in his jaw, the shakiness of his voice—it’s all almost unbearable. He’s pushing me away, and I’m utterly frightened.
I want to scream his name. I want to sob, loudly and unrelentingly. I want to cling to him, to tell him no.No, I’m not going anywhere.
But instead, I do the complete opposite. I turn and walk away from him.
“Okay,” I whisper quietly before I slowly exit the car. I shut the door softly and watch him. He never looks in my direction, not once. Instead, he looks straight ahead and drives off without so much as a wave goodbye.
I suffocate the fresh wave of tears that’s welling up inside of me. Long enough for me to get through my front door. Thankfully, the house is empty. Slowly, I walk to my room and sink into my bed, my knees drawn to my chest so I can hold on to something before I drift off into nothingness. The tears start rushing out again, uncontrollably this time. The dam is broken now, crumbled down into dust, letting everything spill. And I have no intention of stopping it any time soon.
* * *
“Ellie!”
I hear banging coming from the front door. The lingering darkness has now transitioned into pitch-black. I look around, disoriented and confused.
“Ellie! Open up!”
The pounding on my door continues. I get up to see who it is and find Claire peeking in through the window. When I open the door to let her in, she rushes past me.
“Claire, I’m really not up to talking right now.” My fists rub my eyes, trying to erase the blurriness, but instead, a fresh wave of ache starts to form in my chest and begins to spread through my body. I’m all cried out. No more tears are left in me, so I shudder out a breath instead. Exhausted and completely dejected, I slump into my couch, the soft cushion sinking below me.
“Ellie.” She stands over me. “I was just scrolling through Instagram, and look at what I saw on Just Jared.” Her face is serious as she thrusts her phone into my face. My curiosity piques, and I sit up to take her phone from her.
On the small, dimly lit screen, there are grainy pictures of Rhylan and me in an embrace. They’re from the two of us at the marina after our voyage on his borrowed yacht. I scroll through the pictures, and there’s another one from last night, at dinner with my mom. I looked visibly upset while we waited for the valet. I can even see Rhylan trying to console me.I continue to read the caption below the image.
Hollywood heartthrob and star of the recent Unrestrained, Rhylan Matthews, was seen with a mystery woman all around town. It seems the two are serious as they shared a passionate kiss after a romantic boat ride and what looks like an intense conversation after a dinner date. Does this mean the sizzling romance between Matthews and Bella Raven is over?
It’s been six hours since it was posted, and it has already acquired over 100,000 likes and thousands of comments.I scroll down to read the comments.
“How could Rhylan cheat on Bella? This girl is such a homewrecker.”
“She is so ugly. Rhylan could do so much better.”
“What a bitch! She KNEW Rhylan was with Bella!”
“Rhylan is so disgusting! How could he cheat on Bella? She’s so perfect!”
My heart sinks to my stomach, and a thousand-pound ball of dread settles there. “Oh my God,” I say out loud. I hear my own voice, but it doesn’t feel like my own. As if I’m watching everything unfold from the outside and everything happening in my own home is all part of some weird third dimension drama.
How did they even get this picture? And the things people are saying. Labeling me as a homewrecker and Rhylan as a cheater. Rhylan denied his relationship with Bella to me.
I don’t belong to anyone.
Was he lying this whole time? My mind goes back to that evening, but everything is a blur. The room spins around me. I place the phone on the sofa cushion as I try to stop the dizziness. My hand goes to the sides of my head as if it’s physically spinning and I can somehow stop it from rotating right off my shoulders.
“Are you okay?”
“I need a minute,” I manage to whisper.
