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“Well, that’s not what they’re saying. He’s claiming you attacked him. And the things they’re saying about this girl. Rhy, it doesn’t look good,” she says, softer and more exasperated.
I bury my face into my free hand, rubbing my temples as I listen to Shana laying everything out in front of me. How I quite possibly ruined my future, Ellie’s future. “Shana, things just got out of hand.”
“I mean, I don’t even know how they found out who she is.”
“You know how it goes.” I sigh, my voice hoarse. “They bribe the right people and dig in the right places. They’ve done it before.”
“Regardless, I think you need to make some sort of statement. And since everyone’s claiming this girl came between you and Bella Raven, I need something official from you. Are you two together?”
I grimace at her words. I didn’t mean to pull Ellie into this mess. Bella means nothing to me, and now people are speculating that Ellie broke us apart. If I continue to see Ellie, I’ll only end up hurting her, and I don’t know if I can live with that.
“No. It’s nothing. Just tell people that we’re friends, nothing more,” I respond coolly. I take another sip, draining the final contents of the whiskey as the burn trickles down to my stomach.
“Okay. I’ll write up something for you, a statement of apology for the incident. Hopefully that pap won’t press charges. And then…” She pauses. “I–I think you should lie low,” Shana instructs hesitantly. She sympathizes with the incident. She knows that the reports of me attacking someone, as false as they may be, and having that on record could end my career if handled badly.
I sigh, defeated and thoroughly exhausted. “Yeah, okay, Shana.”
“Okay,” she answers. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
We hang up, and my phone rings almost instantly. It’s Ellie. I answer this time, knowing what I need to do.
“Rhylan?” She speaks so softly, so gently. The sound of her voice makes my chest tighten into a painful knot.I have to let her go.
“Ellie,” I slur out, the resentment shifting to bitter sarcasm. No room for compassion. Only pain seeping through the pores so all she hears is harsh virulence. “Man, I thought I would never hear from you again.”
I don’t know when the blurred buzz turned into an intoxicated fog of poor judgment and out of place reasoning, but it’s pouring into the cracks of my voice. As a result, all that comes out is an acrid bitterness that bites at my tongue while swimming in the drunken haze that makes the hate and desperation simmer.
“Rhylan? Where are you?” she speaks more firmly, her timidness gone.
I laugh. Not because anything’s funny but because it’s so completely unbelievable hownotfunny things are. How I will never find the will to laugh or smile again. How I will never be able to hold Ellie in my arms, never whisk her off to that secluded island I wanted to escape to. How instead, I’m preparing to say goodbye to someone that I’m realizing I can’t live without.
“I’m at home! I’m sitting here, looking at my bed and thinking about how I fucked you last night.” The words coming out of my mouth feel like acid eating away at my anger. I’m angry at the world. So pissed off that my one chance of happiness was stolen from me. And I’m taking it all out on Ellie, knowing full well that it isn’t her fault. But the corrosiveness that’s dissolving the layers of my heart is taking over, and I don’t know how to rein it in.
She doesn’t say anything, but I can feel her recoil at my vulgarity.
“Rhylan, we need to talk. Can I see you?” she finally responds, her tone matching mine in irritation.
I let out a shaky sigh, holding back the lump in my throat. “No, I don’t think so. I don’t think I have anything to say to you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know how much clearer I can be. I don’t want to see you anymore.” I hold back the tears that are forcing their way out of me. I don’t mean it. I don’t mean any of it, but I know it’s the only way that I can keep Ellie away from me. I couldn’t protect her heart. Instead, I damaged it further. I need her to stay away from me before I do irreparable damage. I’m not meant to be happy, and I’m sure as hell not meant to make anyone else happy. I’ve come to terms with this, and now I’m ready to lie in the bed that I made.
She stays silent. I can hear the muffled sobs that she’s trying to silence. The tears start streaming down my face as I picture the hurt that I just lashed at her. I want to run to her, to tell her it was all a lie, to beg for forgiveness. Most of all, I want to disappear with her, drag her to our secluded island away from everything.
“Look, Ellie, what we had was fun, but don’t you think it’s run its course?”
She stays silent for a while longer. I almost hang up, assuming she no longer wants to speak to me, but then I hear her strangled voice.
“Rhylan,” she cries. “They came to my house! Claire had to call the police. I…” A sob cuts off her words. “What do I do? I need you to tell me what to do.”
“Ellie…” I whisper. My voice no longer carries the added edge from the pent-up anger. Instead, it’s been replaced by every type of pain and ache that I’ve ever experienced, all placed there by the sounds of Ellie’s cries and tears. “There’s nothing I can do. I told you, I–I don’t want to see you anymore.” My voice is weak, lacking conviction, wavering instead.
“Rhylan!”
I don’t say I’m sorry like I want to, for all the pain that I seared in her heart. I don’t tell her that everything will be okay, lying through my teeth in an attempt to calm her. Instead, I let her go.
I place my phone down on my nightstand and stare at my bed. Our own secluded island we created out of love. Now, that dream feels so far from me. So distant that it leaves a spiteful chill running up my spine. I slump down onto my bed and sob into my hands. There’s nothing in this world that can mend the damage that was done to Ellie. To my heart. It has broken into a million little pieces, its remains blowing away with the wind, leaving me empty.
