AllFreeNovel
Share Us
We enjoy our meal, the heavy chitter-chatter of the kids interrupting much of our conversations, and the kids are whisked away by the nanny at eight p.m. sharp. The adults are left alone to talk.
“So, this girl,” Charles starts. He’s rolling the stem of his wine glass between his fingers. I stiffen, the mention of Ellie making the hairs on the back of my neck stand. I need the company of someone after so many nights in my empty house, someone who I trust and who would understand. But talking about Ellie is refreshing wounds that have long since been opened. They aren’t even scarred yet. Instead, they’re sitting there, oozing with pain and guilt.
I nod, and then I groan into my hands, the words I should be saying caught in my throat.
When I don’t say anything, Charles continues. “When I called her, I thought, ‘This is perfect. This idiot can realize that he let go of a good thing and apologize.’ But your dumb ass did the complete opposite. You pushed her away.”
“I know.” My voice is muffled, stifled by my own hands still covering my face.
“And now, you look like this sad little pit bull, all angry and scowling but sad.”
I sigh. “This is so stupid. I fucked up so bad, and I don’t even know how to fix it. I don’t even think I should. I feel like I should just let her go, let her move on, but I can’t get her out of my fucking mind. And I feel like it’s too late.”
Charles and Amelia listen as I pour my heart out.
“I pushed her away when she needed me. I told her that I didn’t want to see her anymore. That we were over.” I look up at the sparkling chandelier hanging over the table as if I’m begging for an answer as to why I said the things I said to Ellie. “And then I saw her cry, and it felt like someone punched me in the gut. I wanted so badly to tell her it was all a lie. I even told her I was seeing Bella.Bella!I couldn’t care less about Bella. I really thought I was protecting her from me. I just got so scared that I was going to keep hurting her.”
All of the pain that’s built up inside of me rushes out, the words vomiting out of me until my throat tightens up again. I stop when I feel like I can’t go on, the tightness balling up as the tears start to well.
Amelia and Charles glance at each other. “You know, this shit isn’t easy. This love thing. Amelia and I definitely had our ups and downs,” Charles explains. I look at both of them sharing a small, knowing smile.
“We laugh about it now, but it was… difficult, to say the least,” Amelia adds. “Barely a year into our marriage, we didn’t know if we were going to make it. So many times, we contemplated divorce. Hollywood isn’t very forgiving. Rumors every time they get pictures of us right after an argument. They once got a picture of me just two weeks after I had Andy, and they picked that picture apart, nitpicking my weight and implying that Charles could do so much better. They even went as far as starting rumors of Charles having an affair. We began to resent each other so much. Things got tough, but we both wanted to work through it. We didn’t want to give up on each other.”
Charles leans towards me. “This relationship stuff, it’s a lot of work. You just have to decide if it’s worth it. And trust me, it doesn’t come without the heartache. It’s always there. It’s still there for us, even now. But once you both decide you want it, the goodandthe bad, it’s worth it. Every bit of the hurt is worth it.” He takes Amelia’s hand and brings it to his lips for a kiss, just the way I used to do to Ellie. Amelia responds by leaning her head onto Charles’s shoulder.
I consider both of their takes on their relationship. I was never aware that they had struggled and that they still do. I’ve always assumed that their marriage is smooth sailing, that every marriage should be that way. It’s never occurred to me that the expectation of a perfect relationship is unrealistic. It’s about compromise and learning to work through our problems, not running away from them as I had with Ellie.
“I didn’t know…” My voice trails off, not knowing how to respond while trying to sympathize with the struggles they’ve endured.
Charles waves his hand, brushing off the gritty details that line the pitfalls of their relationship. “We’re working through it, going to therapy and whatnot. I’m not telling you this for you to feel sorry for us. I’m telling you this so that you understand the sacrifices you have to make. I know you don’t want to hurt Ellie, but it’s not your job to protect her from the challenges that come with every relationship. It’s your job to love her and to let her know that you do.”
I nod, truly understanding Charles’s advice. I had lowered my expectations of Ellie, so much so that I didn’t have faith in her to be able to work through our struggles. It wasn’t fair to her. I had decided for the both of us that our relationship wasn’t worth salvaging, so I bailed like a complete coward. I was so fucking scared to give us that chance, so instead, I broke her heart.
But I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to face my fears with Ellie by my side. I want to prove to myself, and to her, that I can keep us together.
We continue the night, talking about nothing and everything. No need for formal conversation, just words that lead into an organized tangent between friends. Our conversation moves in chapters. Short stories about our set days, the adorable incidents that the boys get themselves into on a daily basis, random trivia in relation to our careers. None of it necessarily vital but salutary.
“I should go check on the boys. They’ve been known to give the nanny a hard time.” Amelia excuses herself as our conversation dwindles. She stands and leans down to kiss Charles and turns to me. “Thanks for coming over. The boys really enjoy your company. Including this one,” she adds, pointing to Charles.
“Thanks, Amelia.” I smile at her sincerely. Charles and I remain quiet as she walks away. “You know, I should head out.” I reach for my phone and keys as I stand.
“You don’t have to leave. Amelia just likes to go down early to wake up with the boys.”
“Nah, it’s fine. I’ve had a long day, and I’m getting pretty tired too.”
Charles nods before standing to follow me as I lead the way back to his front door.
“Thanks again for having me over. I appreciate it,” I say, turning to face him.
“Sure, the door’s always open.”
I take a pause, a moment to put my words of gratitude together. “And I never really thanked you. For Paris.”
“You don’t need to—” he starts, but I cut him off.
“Yes, I do,” I answer seriously. “You covered for me then. And I was in a really dark place that I don’t think I could have pulled myself out of if you weren’t there.”
He lets out a small chuckle as he averts his eyes to the ground before looking back at me with a sincere smile. “Anytime.”
