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I didn’t get far.
I stopped as soon as I walked through the door, crumpling into a small ball on the floor. With the door at my back, I sobbed. I curled my arms around my knees, wanting to be as tiny as possible.
Trevor was going to make my life a living nightmare.
My hand rose to my face. My cheek stung and another sob racked through me.
Knock. Knock.
Someone was at the door.
“Hey there, Leah. It’s me.”
It was Kieran’s voice.
For some reason, that only made me curl up in an even smaller ball as I wept harder. I didn’t want to let him in. I was afraid he’d see the mark on my face and get angry or worse, decide that I wasn’t worth sticking around for, that he would think I came with too much baggage.
“Can I come in?” he asked gently. His voice called to me and a part of me wavered. It would feel so nice to have his arms around me, for him to hold me like he had the other night.
“It’s not a good time,” I called out. As much as I tried to hide it, my voice trembled with emotion. I sniffed, struggling to get a hold of myself. I hid my face in my arms. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I cried, keeping silent as best as I could.
I expected him to get angry, scold me, or maybe even threaten to spank me, but he did none of those things. Instead, he cleared his throat and spoke in a calm hushed tone that radiated through my body like a hug.
“It’s alright, sweetheart. I’m just going to stay outside your door for a while and make sure that you’re safe.”
My heart felt like it was going to splinter in two.
No one had ever done something that sweet for me in my life. This had been one of the worst days of my life and somehow fate had put him at my door tonight.
“I just wanted to tell you I missed you,” he continued, and a fresh cry escaped me. I pushed my fingers against the floor, forcing myself to my feet so that I could put some distance between me and him so that he didn’t hear me cry. I paced back and forth across my apartment. I glanced down the hallway, but thankfully Emma hadn’t stirred.
I sobbed, worried and scared and caught up in a whirlwind of emotion. I was extremely touched that Kieran would take it upon himself to stand guard for me, but I was terrified the drama of the night would scare him away just when we were starting to explore what we might mean to each other.
I’d leapt off the ledge of a cliff when I’d called him Daddy.
I didn’t want to lose that over something like this, over a life I left behind months ago.
In an effort to keep my mind from it, I escaped into my room and changed into a matching pajama set, a comfy light pink stretchy cotton that made me feel better, but only by very little. I looked at the bathroom counter knowing I should probably wash my face. I honestly couldn’t see the point because I couldn’t stop the tears from falling and I’d just end up needing to wash my face again later. The most I could make myself to do was wipe my makeup away with a cleansing cloth. There was a mark on my cheek from Trevor’s hand and that made me sob anew.
I cried for a long time, but eventually I made my way back over to the door. My hand wrapped around the knob, and I just stood there for a while trying to will myself to turn it. My other hand grasped the deadbolt.
He had been standing guard over me for more than an hour.
I couldn’t make him stand there all night. Hastily, I used the backs of my hands to wipe the tearstains from my cheeks. I hung my head and took a deep breath, turning the lock first and then the doorknob. The door hinges squeaked as I slowly opened the door. They needed to be oiled, but a part of me liked that it served as a makeshift alarm system that my ears were attuned to.
“Will you please come in after all?”
No matter how hard I tried, my voice still shook as I said the words. His gaze was warm as it searched mine, and his answering smile was gentle.
“I’d like that,” he said softly. There was a bouquet of roses in his hands, and I struggled not to cry again.
“Hi there, beautiful. I was thinking about you and then I just decided to come see you,” he murmured.
“Hey,” I answered shyly. I turned aside so that he could walk inside, and he stopped in front of me.
I expected him to look at the mark on my face or my red, puffy eyes or even the wet tears that I’d missed on my chin. He didn’t ask me what was wrong or to explain why I was so upset. Instead, he just put the flowers down on the table, took my hand, and pulled me into his lap. His arms curled around me, and my tears started again.
I’m not sure how long I cried in his arms for, but it didn’t really matter. He held me until my tears ran dry and then some more.
