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“I feel guilty too, you know,” she says. “I know we can’t do this again. I know it was a mistake.”
“A mistake,” I repeat darkly, the word sickening to me. “Is that what you think?”
“What’s the end point to this?” she snaps, getting more worked up. “What are we even doing?”
I try for a smirk, but I have too much conflict. “Getting a tattoo.”
“No.” She raises her finger. “I won’t do that. I won’t go back toit never happened. It’s not fair.”
“What do you want from me?” I snap. “Maybe I should march up to Julian and tell him what we did. What would that solve?”
“I’m not saying we have to tell Dad.”
Her voice rises, matching the passion in my own…misplaced, turning to rage, even if we know we don’t mean it. Not to each other.
“But you can’t keep messing with my head,” she says.
“I won’t,” I tell her. “But you can’t expect me to….”
To tell you the truth. To tell you I want you forever.
I trail off, knowing there’s no way I can reasonably say something like this.
“To what?” she snaps. “To treat me like Vanessa?”
Her hand rises to cover her mouth the moment the words escape, but it’s too late.
I thought she might’ve seen that stupid scrawl in the drawer when I saw her standing next to it.
I never should’ve kept it.
Lauren strides for the door, shouldering her bags, seemingly forgetting about her table.
“Lauren.”
She opens the door and slams it behind her, disappearing.
I could go after her and explain.
But I’m not sure how I could.
I’ve never told anybody about Vanessa before.
CHAPTERTEN
Lauren
I walk through the underground parking lot, my footsteps echoing around me, my thoughts clashing with echoes too. Echoes of the argument, of losing my cool….
Of flinging Vanessa’s name in his face.
As I throw the driver’s door open, I think about Silas’ face after I said her name.
It changed completely, crumpling as though in remembered agony, like all the beauty of their relationship was rushing back at him, followed by all the pain of letting her go. Or of her dying. Or whatever happened to his lost love.
In a twisted way, it’s good I said her name and could see his reaction.
Now I know the talk of family and kids and dating apps was just that – talk – and nothing to get over excited about.
