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Hana
“But I don’t want to head back toyourhome.” I emphasized the possessive word. Because his home was not my home. My home was here, with Joseph.
Logan’s face scrunched up like he hadn’t expected me to say that. What did he expect? That I would trail behind him like some kind of well-trained dog? He wouldn’t give me what I wanted, so why should I give him what he wanted.
“You’re being a selfish brat,” he growled.
“Well, you’re still acting like a child. I thought with Luke being out of the picture you would’ve grown up, but I can see that’s not the case at all.”
I was sick and tired of the Cartwrights telling me what to do. What to wear. What to say. Where to live. I wasn’t some doll that they could pick up and move around to their liking.
“It wasn’t a suggestion.” Logan stood suddenly.
The air thickened and, for a second, I had a flash of Luke towering over me. I flinched. The memories were still too fresh in my mind.
“Stand up, Hana.” Luke snarled, in a particularly bad mood today.
Still, I listened and did what he commanded. “Yes, Luke.” My chin was tucked to my chest so he couldn’t see the defiance shining in my eyes.
Hell, it could have been sadness or anger. It didn’t matter. Luke could never tell what I was feeling from my eyes or even the emotions in my voice. Instead, he chose to back hand me for sass. He told me mouthy women ended up in the grave. I believed him.
“Why did you think it was alright to leave work with Joseph? You know exactly how I feel about that…queer.” I didn’t flinch this time and wanted to pat myself on the back.
Any time Luke tore Joseph down, I defended my friend. Which in turn caused me to get my ass kicked. He thought Joseph and I were having an affair. He swore Joseph wanted me, that his eyes roamed over my body with longing any time I entered a room.
I tried to tell Luke that he was wrong. That Joseph was just a friend. When that hadn’t worked, I told him there was no way because Jojo had seen me naked numerous times and never made a move. Not once during our entire friendship. All that got me was a split lip and a black eye. The only plus was that I hadn’t needed to go to work until I healed again.
“I was done for the day and Jojo wanted to have an early dinner together. I’d promised him we could.” I said through gritted teeth.
I hated having to explain myself. I wasn’t some child who had a curfew. I was a grown woman. While I may be young, I wasn’t that stupid. I knew I couldn’t stay with Luke long term. That would be suicide. I’d be dead before the ink dried on our marriage certificate. But I was doing this for Joseph. Someday soon, I would be free. My best friend would be able to expand his business and we would live our best lives. But that day wasn’t today, I thought sadly, as Luke lifted his balled-up fist. Probably not tomorrow either. Those were my last coherent thoughts before all I felt was pain.
“Hana-Banana, come back to me, baby girl.” A voice laced with panic was saying as I was pulled out of a painful memory.
“Us,” another growled possessively.
There was a pause. “Right. Come back to us, baby girl.”
“Jojo?” I croaked, reaching out.
I blinked my eyes open slowly and found myself on the floor. How did I get on the floor? Before panic started, Joseph stepped in.
“You scrambled backward off the couch over the ledge and fell to your butt.” He chuckled lightly. “It looked like something out ofThe Exorcist.”
I glanced over at Logan. His dark skin had lost some of its color. There was a tinge of green in his face. What had I done or said to make him feel physically ill?
“I think we should sleep here tonight,” Logan said out of the blue.
“Weren’t you just saying that you wanted me to head back to your place?” I tilted my head up at him.
It frustrated me that he was changing his mind when he dug his heels in so adamantly earlier. Not to mention that he was about to force me to go with him. I could tell from his menacing aura. If I had fought him any further, he probably would have drug me by my hair down to his lair.
I knew being with Logan was not the same as being in an abusive relationship with his twin. I wanted to believe that Logan wanted what was best for me, even if he often went about it in misguided ways. I tried to tell myself that Logan had done everything up until this point to ensure I’d never leave him but he hasn’t actuallyhurtme. Manipulated me? Yes. Forced me? Yes. Coerced me? Yes. All those things and more, but he had yet to put his hands on me in true anger, the kind of blind rage that Luke would fall into him.
Yet, when I see the same face that haunts my nightmares rising above me in my waking reality, I break. Obviously, Logan saw that and was now he’s changing his tune. He’s giving me what I want, but it pains me that in order to get it, I had to regress into my trauma. My weakness. Not that I had any control over when a flashback would hit me, but still. Why couldn’t he be reasonable and compromise without it coming to this?
Joseph turned to Logan. “Are you ready to turn in? How are we doing this?”
I stared off into space while they discussed logistics.
