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Phoebe had been leaning back in her chair, trying to comprehend the words that Matteo was saying to her. But as soon as he got to the end of the last sentence she was on her feet instantly, walking around the table and putting her arms around his neck. She didn’t hesitate. She sat in his lap and put her forehead against his as the tears welled in her eyes.
“Oh, your poor mother. I can’t even imagine how frightened she was.” She put her hand on Matteo’s chest. His shirt was open at the neck and she could feel his warm skin beneath her fingertips. “And you, as a little boy, must have been terrified by it all.”
He gulped. His eyelids were heavy as he lifted his dark eyes to meet hers. She didn’t think she’d ever seen such sorrow before. “I found her,” he croaked. “She was lying on her bed, with a few of the tablets scattered on the floor. I just thought she was sleeping and I... I was happy, because she’d been so upset before and she looked peaceful. The note was lying on the bedside table but I couldn’t read it. It wasn’t until I told the housekeeper that she was sleeping, but hadn’t woken up for Brianna, that everything seemed to go mad.” A single tear slid down his cheek. “I should have told them sooner. I should have known something was wrong.”
“No,” she said quickly. “You were five. You were a child. You couldn’t possibly know or understand.” She pressed her head against his. “Oh, Matteo,” she breathed as she put a hand at either side of his face. “And you’ve had this on your shoulders ever since?”
He blinked, with the briefest nod of his head.
“Your brother and sister, they don’t know?”
His breathing was a little stuttered. “They know my mother committed suicide.” He shook his head. “They don’t know the circumstances. My father was never able to talk about it. I found out the real truth much later. I tracked down the housekeeper when I was an adult. She told me exactly how my mother had been in the few days before. She’d ranted to Rosa about wanting to hurt the baby—Brianna. She’d told Rosa to take the baby away from her. She’d been sobbing—breaking her heart. Years on, it’s easier to see what happened. But at the time? Any mental health condition was virtually not discussed.”
Phoebe wiped the tear away with her finger. “What about Brianna? Why are you worried for her?”
He closed his eyes for a second. She could feel his whole body tremble. “Because it can run in families. If someone else in the family has had it...” His voice tailed off.
Phoebe felt her heart twist in her chest. “You have to tell her. You have to speak to her. You’ve been carrying this for too long. Your brother and sister are adults. They have a right to know what really happened.”
He shook his head fiercely. “I can’t tell her. Her pregnancy has been difficult. I can’t tell her anything that would put her under stress. This baby means the world to her. They’ve had problems controlling her blood pressure. They’ve already told her they might need to deliver her in a few weeks. I can’t do anything that would put her blood pressure up and put her, and her baby, at risk.”
Phoebe pressed her lips together for a second. “How long? How long have you kept this secret? You’re adults, Matteo. You, your brother and sister are all adults. You should have sat down and discussed this a long time ago.” She knew it seemed harsh when he’d just bared his soul to her, but she was struggling to get her head around all this. Struggling to understand why the man she’d grown to care about—the man who’d made her start to feel again—would have let himself get in this position.
“It’s family,” he said without hesitation. “You’d do anything for family.”
Something started to unfurl deep inside her. She got it. She did. More than he knew.
She kept her voice steady. “Yes. Yes, you would. I understand—probably better than you know.”
His expression changed. “What do you mean?”
She licked her lips. “I mean that, for the last six months I’ve been supporting my mother go through cancer treatment. She’s had surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy. Part of the reason I took this job was the pay scale. We have huge medical bills to cover. This money...it will make things easier for us. I don’t want my mom to have to worry about covering the bills the insurance company won’t. She’s spent her life, and particularly the last few years, looking after me. It’s time for me to return the favor.” She met his gaze steadily. “That’s why I got on the plane.”
