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Something squeezed inside him. Today felt different. Today was the morning after the night before.
The first time he’d shared the secret he’d kept since he was five years old.
For years he’d been haunted by the sight of his beautiful sleeping mother. Thankful she looked so peaceful after a strange few days. Except she hadn’t been sleeping. As a child, he would never have known that. Should never have known that. And he’d actually sat on the floor of her room for a while, playing with his trains while Brianna gurgled in the cradle.
It was only when Brianna had started to get noisier and his mother hadn’t roused that he’d gone to find someone else. At five, he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to pick up the squirming bundle. But he certainly hadn’t been ready for the reaction that had followed.
Those days all blurred into one. Police cars. A quietly spoken doctor. People dressed in black around his father. A funeral that he’d never been told about and certainly not been part of. The invasion of a million Italian relatives who all squeezed him tight and whispered to his father. As for the house at the Hamptons? It had more or less been left exactly as they’d found it. They’d been whisked away to the apartment near Central Park where two female relatives of his father had helped settle him and his brother and sister, before hiring help for the new apartment.
But that horrible feeling of something being really wrong had never left him. As a child he’d learned quickly not to ask his father anything about his mother—it just seemed to leave him eternally sad.
As an adult, he’d made a few enquiries. It hadn’t been easy. But even when he knew the truth his father had still been pained to talk about it. He’d told Matteo to remember his mother as before, not in her last few days, and not to mention it to his brother or sister.
And Matteo, being the good Italian son that he was, respected his father’s wishes.
Suicide. The one subject most people didn’t want to discuss. Phoebe’s face had crumpled last night. But the one thing that had struck him completely was her empathy. Empathy for the confusion his mother must have been feeling.
But that didn’t surprise him. Not at all. On every occasion, Phoebe had proved to him what a good person she was.
But was he as good a person as Phoebe was? Something was unsettling him. Phoebe had been brilliant last night. But there was more. She was blossoming. Phoebe had always had an internal glow—but when he’d first met her it had been tempered.
Yet ever since they’d touched down in Rome, the sparkle in her eyes and passionate nature had been brimming over.
Something twisted inside. Should he really be doing this? He’d never felt a connection like this. He’d never let himself. What if he wasn’t enough for Phoebe? The last thing he’d ever want to do was dim the light in the vibrant, happy person she’d become. He was so used to keeping secrets. So used to keeping his emotions in check. Could he ever behave any differently?
And while he was comfortable here, lying with her in his arms, she’d made him face up to his next reality. At some point, he would have to speak to Vittore and Brianna. Just not right now. When Brianna had the baby he would make sure he was around her constantly. He would watch. He would monitor. He’d made a few casual enquiries about what to do if he needed to find some professional help. He was confident, in this day and age, things would be fine. And once that stage had passed, once Brianna had her healthy baby and was settled, he could wait and tell them both at a later date. Things would be fine.
“Hey...” came a murmur.
He glanced down. Phoebe was rubbing her brown eyes; she gave him a sleep-filled smile. “Hey,” he replied.
Her stomach gave an involuntary grumble and she let out a deep laugh as she pulled her body back from his and flopped back next to him. Her eyes were twinkling as she turned to him. “I guess this is what happens when you cheat me out of my Italian ravioli.”
“I cheated you out of your Italian ravioli?” He leaned his head on one hand so he could get closer to her.
Her smile spread from ear to ear. She looked relaxed. She looked happy. Something struck him. This was the first time he’d seen her like this. It was almost as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. It was something about her eyes. A different kind of shine.
He was getting to see the true heart of Phoebe.
She winked at him. “I also missed dessert.” Her hand snaked up around his neck again as she leaned in. “I kind of think that’s your fault too. How do you plan on making it up to me?”
He laughed as his hand slid along her silky skin. This felt perfect. It felt so right. If only he could stay just here. If only he could freeze time and let things stay like this. Not have to think about anything else.
