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She pulled her hand back. “I’m not.” She couldn’t help how blunt the words were.
“What do you mean?”
She turned away from him and looked at the array of desserts in front of her. She didn’t want him touching her. She didn’t want little electrical sparks shooting up her arms and heading straight to her heart. She picked up a slice of pie and a fork. She stabbed at the pie. “I mean, it was good for me. It was probably what I needed. Life is about looking after yourself. The first time I got on the plane it was for you—and for my mom. I could tell myself there was a reason to do it. I needed that money. I needed to complete the job. But the second time? It was for me. It was to tell myself I could do it. I didn’t need anyone else. I could do this on my own—on my own terms. It was more important than you could ever imagine.”
Matteo shifted uncomfortably in the seat next to her, eyeing the way her fork continued to stab at the pie.
“And what did you learn?”
She licked her lips. “I learned I could trust myself. I learned I could do anything.” Her voice wavered a little. “I learned I could live this life on my own.”
He reached over; the hand holding the fork was trembling and she hadn’t even noticed. He put his warm hand over hers. “And do you want to? Because I believe, Phoebe, that you can do anything you want to do.”
She swallowed and gulped, letting the plate rest down on her coat.
He kept talking. “You’re beautiful and you’re talented. I’m so lucky that I met you. Every day I regret leaving you behind. I was so focused on my sister and my family that I didn’t realize my family reached further than my blood. I didn’t realize my heart had already decided that you were family too.”
Her hand froze. “What do you mean?”
He gave her a half-smile. “I mean, that this house, you, taught me to look ahead, to look to the future. The memories I have about this house are now about you, Phoebe. You even helped me remember some happy memories as a child here too. And you were right. Right about my sister and brother.”
“How is your sister?”
“Brianna’s good. She can’t wait to meet you. Jay—and I might be biased—is possibly the most beautiful baby on the entire planet. And Brianna’s well. Apart from being mad at me, and using a few choice words.” He paused for a second. “But she understands. She understands why I didn’t tell her. Not that she’s happy.” He shook his head and lowered it slightly. “She was particularly unhappy when she heard I’d left you in Rome when I got the news about her labor.”
Phoebe pushed herself back in the chair. She was trying to take in what he was saying. But she’d been left in Rome feeling as if she’d misinterpreted everything. She couldn’t feel like that again. She wouldn’t feel like that again.
She glanced down at the pie on the plate on her lap. It had been well and truly desecrated.
Phoebe looked up into Matteo’s eyes. They seemed sincere, but all she could think about right now was the ache in her heart.
“Why did you leave me in Rome, Matteo?”
He opened his mouth. The easiest thing for him to say was to repeat that it was all for Brianna.
“I was afraid.”
She blinked. “You were afraid?”
He nodded. “I told myself I was protecting you—leaving you like that.”
She gulped. “Well, it certainly didn’t feel like that.”
“I know. I thought I could never be enough for you. You’re so open and honest, Phoebe. You’re so full of life. You grab life. You want it. And you love with your whole heart.”
She nodded and bit her lip. “And what about you, Matteo?” She understood more than he’d already said.
He shook his head. “I didn’t think I could do that. I’ve never done it before. I’ve never been able to.”
“Why?” She pushed him. She knew she had to.
He lifted his eyes to meet hers. “Because I don’t want to open myself up. I don’t want to open myself to the same kind of hurt I felt before.”
Pain was written all over his face. Her fingers ached to reach out and touch him. But Matteo wasn’t quite ready for that. She needed everything. She needed to know that he could love her just as much as she loved him.
“When your mother died? But you already have. Don’t you see that? You opened yourself when you told me about your mother. You did it again when you told your brother and sister.”
He nodded slowly. But her insides twisted. She needed more. He was almost there. But he had to get there on his own. She couldn’t do it for him.
