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He could hear her steady breathing next to him. But instead of feeling soothed, instead of wanting to embrace the idea of listening to this time after time, he felt an undeniable wave of panic.
They headed back to London today. Reality was hitting. How on earth would things be when they got back to the real world?
He worked goodness knew how many hours a week. He spent most months ping-ponging around the world between various hotels. There was no way he had time for a relationship.
It was as if a cold breeze swept over his skin.
Guilt was creeping in around the edges of his brain. He’d brought another woman to Drumegan Castle and slept with her there. He’d let Grace decorate, feel at home, help clean up and make snow angels in the ground. Most of the time he’d spent with Grace at Drumegan he’d enjoyed. He’d only thought of Anna in fleeting moments. And Grace had been the biggest instigator of that when she’d brought out the ceramic angel. His last physical link to Anna.
The woman that he should have been thinking of. Not Grace.
He shivered as her warm eyes flickered open next to him. ‘Morning.’ Her sexy smile sent pulses through his body and he pushed the duvet back and stood up quickly.
‘Morning. I’ve got some work to do. Some business calls to make. I might be a few hours. I’m sure my mum will fix you some breakfast.’ He was slipping on his jeans and pulling a T-shirt over his head as he spoke. Grace sat upright in the bed, her mussed-up hair all around her face. She looked confused—and a little hurt. ‘Oh, okay. No problem. I’m sure I can sort myself out.’
There was no excuse. None. But he couldn’t help it. His head was so mixed up he just needed some space.
And that was easy. Under the fake guise of work his mum, dad and sister were delighted to entertain Grace for the next few hours. Right up until they were ready to head back to the helipad at the castle.
His mother’s bear hug nearly crushed him. ‘It’s been so good to see you, honey. She’s fabulous. I love her. Bring her back soon.’
His hand gripped the steering wheel the whole way back to Drumegan Castle’s helipad. All of a sudden he didn’t feel ready for this. It seemed rushed. It had come out of nowhere. Could he really trust his feelings right now, when he’d spent the last five years shut off?
He couldn’t help the way he was withdrawing. It seemed like the right thing to do.
‘I think I should be honest, Grace. The past few days have been wonderful. But up here—in Scotland, staying in the castle—this isn’t the real world. I’m sorry. I think I made a mistake asking you up here. I knew how you were feeling about Christmas, and I was dreading coming up here again, and I think I might have given you the wrong idea. I’m just not ready for another relationship. Not yet, anyway. I’m not going to be able to give you what you want, Grace, or what you deserve. You should have a partner who loves only you, who wants to settle down and can commit time and energy to your family. I’m sorry, but I’m just not that person.’
* * *
She’d stopped noticing the whirring of the helicopter blades. All she could hear right now was the quiet voice next to her. It was almost as if he was speaking in hushed tones so she’d have to lean closer to hear. But the truth was, these were words she’d never wanted to hear.
This morning had been awkward. This afternoon had been worse. She’d almost been relieved when they’d said their goodbyes to Finlay’s lovely family and driven back to the helipad at the castle.
She hadn’t been able to ask Finlay why he was on edge. And now that made her angry. She’d been close enough to get naked and make love to him, but she didn’t feel secure enough to ask what was wrong. Now, after giving her a Christmas she could only have dreamed of, he was unceremoniously dumping her. And he wasn’t even doing it that well. He might have waited until they’d landed at The Armstrong. At least then she could have walked straight down the stairs and into the bar.
She tried to push all the angry thoughts aside. Finlay looked terrible. He was pale and his hands were constantly twitching on his lap. He wasn’t the cool, remote man she’d first met. But he wasn’t the dashing businessman either. Who was it she’d actually fallen in love with?
Her heart stuttered. That was it. That was why those few words felt as if they were wrenching her stomach inside out. Slowly but surely over the last few days Finlay Armstrong had stolen piece after piece of her heart. From that first moment on the roof of The Armstrong, from that tiny stroke of her cheek. From the shopping trip for the decorations, the drinks at the staff party and that first kiss under the lamppost.
