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He scrubs a hand down his face.
“I can’t lose you, too. You want to talk? Fine, let’s talk. Yes, it hurts so fucking much that he decided we weren’t enough. That we weren’t worth the public bullshit he’d have to face. Like you, I believed that I had my life planned out—the three of us. Give us time.”
“But did he?” I ask. “His father had a heart attack. You said I’m the glue, but you promised to catch us when we fell. You didn’t Matt. I barely see you and you just let him go. Maybe this wasn’t meant to happen. I want us to findourspace. Not the one we shared with him and that always has an empty space.”
“I’m fighting for myself, for us,” I explain as a blanket of misery covers my entire body. Unable to stay put, I push myself out of bed too, and slip on a T-shirt. “This is a break, Mattie, a vacation from me. For however long, you won’t have to worry about avoiding me or having to pretend everything is okay, when we both know it’s not.
“We both need it. I love you, but I’m hurt, too. This is hard, but it’ll be harder if we stay on this path and end up hating each other.”
Matt frowns, his stare frozen, but filled with raw sadness. “No, Thea. Baby, don’t do this.” His voice rips my insides, shredding me into pieces. “The only thing I have going for me is knowing that at the end of this dark period, you’re waiting for me. The light that’s guiding me through this is you. You’re my iridescent butterfly leaving colorful sparkles that guide me through the pathway out of wherever that fucker left me. If you pull the plug, I’ll stay in the darkness.”
With every word he says, a tear falls. One next to the other. I look down at my bare feet that almost touch his.
Can we figure out a way to make this work?
Howwould we?
That is the huge question. I want to make this better. He’s been my rock for so long, and if I want us to work it out, I have to be his rock right now.
“I don’t know how to make this work right now, Butterfly, but I can’t let you go either.”
I study him. He’s so sweet and vulnerable, always opening his heart and giving as much as he can. Watching my clean wrist, I decide to shrink us, handle this as a rehabilitation program. If it fails, you start again. We never give up.
“Back to the basics,” I say, lifting my gaze and clearing my tears.
“There’s no longer a number count on your wrist. Why?”
A sad laugh is all I have for him. He just realized that. “I decided that I’m a big girl, and I can count by years and months. Yes, the days matter, but I don’t need them on my skin to be strong.” I shake my head. “That’s what I mean, Matt. You would know if we were on better terms.”
He looks down at me, giving me a sad smile, his eyes suddenly understanding that I’m not trying to hurt him. We look at each other for a long period, searching for each other, assessing the damage of everything that has happened in the past months. “What now?”
“Let’s rewind and start again from day one,” I offer. “Let’s go back to being friends first, reconnecting and finding each other again. The rest will come. It has to because, Matthew Decker, you and I belong together. Like those waves that crashed and became one, sometimes they separate, but one day, eventually, they’ll find each other again. And we will, I promise you, we will.”
“Oh, we will, babe. We’re like bacon and eggs. That’s you and me, baby.” A chuckle escapes me, erasing the sobbing noises that began to take over the room. “You’re my soulmate, and you know me better than anyone else. You inspire me to be better because you accept me just the way I am. Uglies and shit behind. No one else laughs at my stupidities the way you do or believes in me the way you do. If you believe this is the best way to get to that future we want, I’m game. But please just don’t drop my hand. Promise?”
“I swear I’ll never drop your hand, Mattie, and yes, I think this separation is for the best.” I stretch my neck and kiss him lightly, knowing that for a long time, this might be the last kiss we have. “I can’t believe you compared us with food.”
“We’re like chocolate shakes and hamburgers,” he continues.
I rest my head on his chest, remembering that those two go perfectly with fries… but we lost our fries.
“I love you, Butterfly, never doubt that. And this break doesn’t include sex with other people. We’re not seeing other people. We belong to each other.”
ChapterForty-Seven
Tristan
“But sellingthat part of the company…” My father trails off and looks at the papers I just handed him, then moves his gaze to me. “Are you sure we have to do this?”
“Yes, Father, we have to do it,” I inform him, handing him the pen.
In order to save Cooperson Corporation and thousands of jobs, we have to sell a few divisions and properties. The empire my grandfather built is changing in order to be saved.
“I put the Boston assets up for sale yesterday morning. We’ve received a few offers, but I made it clear that we’re in no hurry to liquidate them. They’re in the downtown area, and if we do this right, you’ll have a good cushion.”
Father puts on his reading glasses, signs the papers, and then hands them to me. “Thank you for helping, Tristan.”
I shrug. A couple days after his accident, Mother left for the Hamptons and my siblings didn’t bother to show back up at the hospital. I’m sure she’ll barge back in when she learns we’re selling most of the properties. Once I’m back from Los Angeles, I’ll put all the assets in New York on sale.
