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She knew why he was asking. He would be in Tuscany for the next few months and he was trying to think ahead. If a few days were difficult, how would they manage to work in the same environment for a few months?
At least, she thought that’s what would be on his mind.
It couldn’t be the kiss. It wouldn’t be the kiss. Not when there was so much more to think about.
‘How do you feel about coming down to Tuscany?’
It was work. Of course it was work. She didn’t know whether to feel disappointment or relief. The touching and handholding was nothing. It was just Logan back to his usual charming self, trying to make everyone around him feel good.
She stared at the packed street across from her and smiled. ‘While I love Venice, and I love my apartment, the summer months are extremely busy. Tuscany seems a lot more peaceful than here. It might be nice to have some clean fresh air and some quiet to be able to concentrate on the restoration work.’ She turned her body towards him, finally relaxed enough to give him a smile. ‘I think I’ll like it.’
But Logan wasn’t staring at her the way she’d thought. He’d moved his thumb underneath their interlocked fingers and was gently making circles on the underside of her palm, This was what he’d used to do when he was deep in thought...when he was contemplating something carefully. His eyes were lowered and his voice quiet. ‘How would you feel...?’
She inched a little closer to hear him.
He tried again. ‘How would you feel if I asked you to stay with me when you came back to Tuscany, instead of in the main palazzo with Louise?’
Now he did look up. But he didn’t have the quiet assuredness that usually always possessed him. Now he looked wary.
The words were very unexpected. She’d just gone back into that ‘safe’ zone, the one where no one could touch her and no one could threaten her. His words catapulted her straight back out.
The voices in the background blended together into one constant murmur as the rapid beating of her heart thudded in her eardrums. His thumb hadn’t stopped moving in those little circles. It was almost as if he’d been trying to prepare her, to soothe her, before he’d asked the question.
Her brain felt jumbled. She didn’t quite know what to say. ‘I don’t think... I don’t think that would work,’ was all she could fumble out.
His fingers tensed around hers. ‘Why? Why wouldn’t it work? You’re my oldest friend. Twelve years have passed, Lucia, and you and I are still trapped there. Why aren’t you married to someone else with a houseful of kids? Why aren’t I?’
Now it was too much. That little question had turned into a whole lot more. She was standing overlooking this beautiful city, people all around her, and yet she felt hideously exposed. If she could transport herself, right now, back into her bed and under her covers, that’s exactly what she’d do.
‘I don’t want to be married,’ she blurted out, causing a few heads to turn in their direction. Instantly, she understood what she’d done. People were casting their eyes down in sympathy, as if Logan had just proposed and it had gone horribly wrong.
She shook her head. ‘I’m happy with my work. I’m happy with my life.’
He put his hand behind her waist and pulled her towards him. His voice was quiet but there was an edge of frustration that only she could hear. Only she could understand.
‘Look at me, Lucia. Look at me and tell me that you’ve tried to have other relationships. Tell me that you’ve met some suitably nice, handsome men—just like I’ve met some beautiful and good women—but something just hasn’t been right. It hasn’t felt the way it used to feel—the way it should feel. You could never go on and take the next step because you knew, deep down, that you’d ultimately hurt this good and loving person. You’d never quite love them the way that they loved you.’
It was almost as if he’d stepped inside her brain and was reading her mind and all her past memories. All her hidden regrets. She could see them all reflected on his face. He knew this, because he’d been living this life too.
That kiss had catapulted him into another space. Given him a painful reminder of what he wanted to capture again. Just like it had her.
She put her hand up to her chest, which was hurting, tight.
She was still shaking her head, aware of the anxious glances around them. ‘I don’t know, Logan. I just don’t know.’ She looked up and met his gaze. He looked hurt. He looked confused and something twisted inside her. It had been a long time since she and Logan had been like this.
