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“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” I say, my arms wanting to envelop her inside a cocoon to protect her from the obvious sadness she feels. I can’t, though, as she takes a step backward.
“Thea, time to go home. You had an exhausting day. We’ll close without you,” Reed shouts from the background. “Decker, time to finish cleaning and discuss next week’s schedule.”
“Butterfly, I’ll be up there in a few. We have to talk about the gig.” She pinches the bridge of her nose while biting her lips. I wait for her to work out whatever she’s contemplating.
“Only for a few minutes,” I promise.
“Only a few minutes,” she repeats, her words barely sounding out of her lips.
Thea turns around, heading toward Reed who gives her a hug and whispers something to her. Once he’s done, she leaves with one of the bouncers following behind.
“Eyes off the girl, Decker.” Reed pulls me from my ogling trance.
It’s not only because I’m attracted to her body. I stare, trying to understand why the sudden change of mood.
“I talked to Joe. He and Stella won’t come back. We need to work on a schedule. I have to search for what I want to do next before I let this bar go—if you and Tristan still want it.”
“We do. How long do you think you need?”
“Do you want me out already, boy?”
“No, it’s just so we can plan.” I pat his shoulder. “Take as long as you need, Reed.”
His gaze drops to the floor. He shakes his head and lifts it again. Sadness clogs his eyes, and I hug him before either of us speaks. “And if you have second thoughts, we’ll understand.”
“Give me at least three months, and if I need more time, I’ll let you know.”
I squeeze his arm and nod. “Let’s sit down and come up with a schedule for the time being.”
ChapterThirty-Two
Thea
I cleanthe steam on the mirror and check myself one more time. My eyes aren’t as red as they were before I showered. The dry tears and sadness were washed away by the water.
It’s sadness brought by the memories of having my life plastered in public by my own parents. Not having a moment to myself since… I can’t remember a time in my past when I didn’t have to smile for the cameras and be pleasant.
That sweet girl who had to play along to get some attention from her parents. The same parents who loved to make easy money, even if it meant exploiting their child.
They say there’s no stronger force than a parent’s love. The unconditional love, where two people, or maybe just one, keeps you secure, safe, and cared for. I never had that kind of love. If anything, my father is the person I fear the most. The one who, at any chance, pushed me further and further until I became… Aggie Levitz.
The former child star who became a wild teenager. According to the media that hounded me day and night, I was arrested several times for possessing controlled substances, underage drinking, and a hit and run. There’s a rumor I killed a family during a car accident.
My lungs burn, my ears fill with blood, and I can’t breathe.
I close my eyes, controlling the wave of fear threatening to take me down one more time. Another panic attack in less than an hour. I’m thankful I handled it downstairs in front of Matt. That it didn’t happen until I closed the door behind me. The urge to forget for one night grows by the minute.
If I wait long enough, the bar will be closed, and I can break into it. There’s plenty of vodka to tame the increasing longing… or I can walk a few blocks down to the alley where I know there’s a guy that can sell me something to numb the pain.
I shake my head, knowing I’ll regret losing myself for one night.
I can’t let five years go to waste. I can keep fighting until I reach the next milestone—tomorrow.
My breathing slows down, my chest loosens up, my legs regain their strength, and I’m able to let go of the sink. I’m not my parents. I have a few reasons to stay afloat. It’s the hope of a better day, the hope that someday someone will be there for me. That I’ll find a place where I belong and will be loved because of who I am. It won’t matter who I once was.
My eyes snap open with the sound of the doorbell.
My heart skips a few beats like it just knows it’s Matt.
