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She had acted as if sex had no connection with procreation because to connect babies and Ryan in her mind was simply too agonising. The last time she had fallen pregnant it had been the result of that single first volcanic encounter—after which Ryan had always used protection. What chance had such a fertile couple of avoiding conception when they had made love dozens of times on Shearwater without any attempt at prevention?
Oh, God, she couldn’t bear to go through all that again….
As the taxi drove off, Nina fumbled for her key. Ryan had told her that, contrary to commonsense, he hadn’t changed the locks after she left. He had continued to hope that one day he would come home and find her there, waiting for him. Now she knew why. His rage over her betrayal had always been undermined by his compassion.
The large, black-and-white-tiled foyer was empty and Nina drifted like a ghost through the beautifully furnished rooms. Everything was the same as she remembered. Even the fresh-cut flowers in the tall vases were blossoms she recognised from her plantings in the huge garden. Tears stung her eyes. She was home. Nothing had changed.
Everything had changed.
She put her foot on the first step of the sweeping staircase and looked up. A stairway to heaven, she had laughed wickedly the first time Ryan had swept her up to his bedroom.
Now it was a stairway she must climb to face her private hell.
The marble stair rail was cool under her fingertips as she rounded the curve. She was vaguely aware of noises outside and the slamming of doors and voices, but she kept steadily climbing. She was already on the top step when she heard rapid footsteps striding across the ceramic tiles below.
‘Teresa, did you see her come in? Her bags are outside. Nina? Nina?’ The deep, masculine voice lifted an octave at the precise moment he saw her, expressing a soaring relief. ‘Nina!’ This was followed by a tense exclamation of sharpening alarm. ‘Nina? Where are you going?’
She kept moving along the thick cream carpet of the wide hallway. Behind her, she could hear the slap of shoes on the marble stairs, punctuated by grunted breaths as Ryan bounded up them two and three at a time.
‘Nina—wait!’
The doors to most of the rooms off the hallway were ajar, but the fourth one on the left was closed and Nina reached for the white ceramic doorhandle.
A swarthy masculine hand got there first and held the door shut. ‘Nina? What are you doing?’ She looked at him, and he drew a sharp breath at the grim set of her pale face. ‘Ray rang and told me you’d got on the ferry. I went to pick you up from the terminal, but I got held up by a damned traffic accident and must have missed you.’ He was talking quickly to distract her, but his blue eyes were slowly inspecting her, eating her up with his concern.
She cleared her tight throat. ‘Open the door.’
His hand tightened defensively, the knuckles flaring white. He was wearing his wedding ring again, she noticed, a shaft of warm light melting the black chill in her heart. ‘I wanted to be here with you when you arrived. I’ve asked Teresa to make us some coffee. If you come back downstairs, we can—’
‘Open the door.’
His rangy body tensed, his lean face contracting with fear. ‘Nina, you’ve only just got here. Give yourself time to adjust. You don’t have to do this right now—’
‘I’ve had all the time I can bear…’ Her voice broke and she tried again. ‘I remember…I remembered while I was coming over on the ferry. You don’t have to protect me any more, Ryan. I’m tired of being afraid.’ She put her hand over his and applied pressure that was part plea, part command. ‘Just open the door.’
He held her gaze for a long moment, then said quietly, ‘All right…but together. We face everything together. And I’ll never stop wanting to protect you.’
They slowly pushed the door open and entered the room. A room painted eggshell-blue with white trim, and a motif of teddy bears stencilled around the bottom of the walls. Stuffed animals and toys sat along the top of a white bookcase crammed with children’s books and a large teddy bear sat on a white cane chair.
Nina moved slowly around the room, picking up and putting down items, including the teddy bear, which she raised to her face, breathing in faint hints of baby powder. Ryan hovered quietly at her side, his jaw clenched as he watched her pale expression become brittle with grief.
