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“Maybe this was so terrible because it’s a sign that we shouldn’t do this,” she whispers. “Us. It’s wrong. It’s twisted.”
I want to reach for her, desperate to touch her but unable to bear it if she slaps me away. “No. It’s a sign that I need to do better. I’ve messed up. I’m always messing up, but this time I care. I’m really sorry, Bambi. Please let me make it up to you.”
She puts her hands over her face and my stomach seems to vanish from my abdomen. Oh, God. Is she crying? Please don’t let her be crying. If she is, I’ll fling myself from this lookout and smash myself to pieces on the rocks below.
I took her virginity and she’scrying.
She raises her head, and there are no tears on her face, but her expression is hollow. She gets into the passenger seat without looking at me. “I’m fine. Let’s just go home.”
With a sick feeling in my guts, I slide into the driver’s seat.
I don’t know what to say the whole way down through the hills and back through the city.
Why do I always ruin everything?
I’m so fuckingcursed.
Before I can pull into our street, I stop the car. Mia reaches for the doorhandle, thinking I’m dropping her off out of sight of the house, but I reach out and grab her wrist.
“No, wait. Please.”
“Laz, I want to go home.”
There’s so much pain on her face, and I hate it. This day isn’t going to turn into a double shitburger for her on the anniversary of her dad’s death, losing her virginity in one of the worst ways possible.
“No. Not happening.” I turn the car around so fast and speed back down the street.
“Laz! What are you doing?” she asks, her brow wrinkled with confusion.
I don’t reply because I have no words. I have to show her what I mean.
Ten minutes later, we pull up outside one of the swankiest hotels in the city. Not the Regency. This one is better, in my opinion. More modern. Less stuffy.
“I’m not very good at saying sorry. I haven’t had much practice, though with all the things I’ve done, I should be an expert.” I nod at the hotel. “This is how I would have done it if I’d opened my ears and listened to the things you were trying to tell me. Brought you to this hotel. Booked the best room for the night. Made you come. A lot. Fucked you slow and hard on the sheets of an enormous bed until I broke you into the shape of my cock, and only my cock.”
A pink flush creeps into her pale cheeks.
“Will you let me make it up to you? Not sex,” I say quickly. “Not if you don’t want to. I’ll wash your hair. Feed you strawberries. Paint your toenails. Whatever you want. The night is yours and I’m your footman. Your servant. Whatever you want me to be.”
Mia chews her lip, looking from me to the hotel and back again. “You want to make it up to me?”
“You have no idea how much. I’ll just book you the room and leave if that’s what you prefer, and I’ll go sit in the cold and think about what I did, praying that you’ll forgive me.”
Mia stares at me with a wrinkled brow. She seems confused. Doesn’t she want me to try and—
But then I realize. I don’t think anyone has ever apologized to Mia for treating her badly or cared enough to do anything to win back her favor.
“I mean it, Bambi,” I say softly. “It matters to me that I hurt you. If you don’t want to go inside, we can go somewhere else. Wherever you like. It’s your call.”
“No one’s tried this hard to make me happy before. It’s weird.”
I take her face between my hands. “Please let me try.”
Her eyes grow even bigger and more liquid than usual. “Are you sure you want a virgin who can’t even tell you properly that she’s a virgin?”
Please. Like any of this is her fault.
“You think I’ll let this be over before I’ve given you the first time you deserve?”
