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“What does what feel like?”
My sister plays with the edge of a cushion, her expression wistful. “For a man to have a crush on you? To feel his eyes follow you across the room and know that he’s thinking about you and only you. Burning for you.”
It’s a question that an inexperienced little sister might ask her older sister, but Rieta is older than me and she’s married. “But you know how it feels. You have Nero.”
Rieta shakes her head, misery bleeding into her eyes. “Nero never looked and acted around me the way Laz does around you. At least, he hasn’t for a long, long time.”
I don’t know what to say. Rieta’s usually so cheerful and positive, but I can see what an effort that’s been for her lately.
Rieta takes a sip of wine and shakes her head. “Never mind. Let’s not talk about me right now. Tell me how it feels.”
“It feels dangerous,” I say truthfully.
“What if Mom divorced him? Would you two be together?”
I let out a burst of scandalized laughter. “Whose side are you on?”
“I’m on the side of love.”
“This isn’t a fairy tale. This is real life.”
“I’m serious. He makes you happy. No matter what Mom says, happiness is actually important for—” She breaks off, a sob in her voice and tears swimming in her eyes.
“Oh, Rieta,” I murmur, taking her wine glass from her and putting both of them down. I pull her into a hug. “Are things really that bad between you and Nero?”
Rieta lets herself cry for exactly one and a half seconds, and then she sits up and shakes her head. “Trying for a baby is messing with my head. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make this about me.”
I don’t think it’s just the frustration of trying for a baby, but I watch as Rieta visibly shuts down her emotions and changes the subject.
“I like him,” Rieta says, wiping her face.
“Who?”
“Laz, silly. He’s weird and intense and it’s ten kinds of fucked up... but he cares about you.”
I imagined that if anyone found out about Laz and me, I would have to endure a long lecture about what a stupid little girl I’ve been, heaping even more shame on our family name.
“Do you really think so?”
“Mia, he didn’t touch your face and call you Bambi in front of me because he was being careless. He wanted me to know so that you would have someone to confide in. Even though it could get him killed. Not many men would do that.”
My heart squeezes in my chest. They wouldn’t, would they? But it doesn’t matter how selfless and honorable it was if we’re still stuck creeping around behind Mom’s back.
“What am I going to do?” I whisper.
“What does Laz want to do?”
“He says he has a plan. He wants us to be together.”
Rieta’s face creases like she’s about to cry again. If she’s getting mopey over Laz, the least romantic man ever, things must be really bad between her and Nero. “Did he say what the plan is?”
I shake my head. “I haven’t asked. It’s probably something crazy.” If I had to guess, Laz is refusing to give Mom a baby or do anything that a husband should, and he’s biding his time before she kicks him out and divorces him. That way he can tell his brothers it wasn’t his fault, and he tried his best. As far as plans go, it’s not a great one, but it’s probably all we have.
“If the shit hits the fan, you’re always welcome here,” Rieta offers.
“What about Nero?”
“I’ll worry about Nero. You think about yourself and Laz, and don’t let anyone stand in your way if you believe in your heart that Laz is the man for you.”
