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Haha. Oh, God. Me, handle Uncle Kristian? That man’s untamable.
And yet a smile is tugging at my lips because, despite his dangerously distracting presence, I have enjoyed working with him. When we’re with the men or at the Silo, Kristian is always by my side, strong and supportive. He’s made certain things easier and has given me more confidence. I’ve always wanted to tell Adamovich that I knew he screwed Dad over three years ago. The unfairness of itburned.
And when we’re alone, or at that party last night?
You’re going to marry me and have my children, and I’m not bothered which happens first. I’ll fuck my baby into you right here and now if you give me half a chance.
I squeeze my thighs together. The words he whispers in my ears have me seeing stars. The things he does to me are unhinged. I picture Uncle Kristian down on his knees and kissing my palm, swearing that he’ll do anything for me. A delicious combination of loyalty and insanity.
If I did marry Uncle Kristian…
If he were my husband, my protector, the father of my children…
I remember how he jumped out of bed and charged down the hall the second Nadia screamed. How he emerged from the bedroom with her in his arms, relief painted starkly on his face. The man is a villain and a rogue, but his devotion to the people he cares about is breathtaking.
I glance up at Dad, my tongue playing with the corner of my lips as I think carefully. He disinherited Kristian, and he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want him to lead this family. Would he be angry at the thought of his daughter and his brother leading the Belyaev family together if anything happened to him? If Dad wants me to marry, then wouldn’t Uncle Kristian be a better option as my husband than some stranger who only cares about money and power? Wouldn’t he be perfect as the ferociously protective father of our children?
A hot sensation takes a swan dive down my body and spreads through my core. Uncle Kristian’s baby. My heart beats faster at the thought.
I glance at Dad, gnawing on my lower lip. Anyone I choose, I want my father’s blessing.
“Dad. Me and Uncle Kristian…” I begin but trail off and curl my nails into my palm. I can’t decide whether mentioning this to Dad right now is a good decision or not.
Dad frowns. “Is Kristian causing trouble? If he’s upsetting you or won’t listen to your orders, I’ll send him away. My brother needs to understand that he’s not my heir anymore. You are.”
Panic seizes me as Dad threatens to banish Uncle Kristian again. What am Ithinking? If I open my big mouth, Uncle Kristian will be driven from this city all over again.
I shake my head quickly. “No, nothing like that. Uncle Kristian’s done nothing but help me. He’s working tirelessly by my side, and his men have been eager to help. I thought you should know. That’s all.”
Dad relaxes again. “I’m glad to hear it.” There’s a moment of silence, and then he asks gently, “You missed Kristian, didn’t you?”
I grasp the arms of my chair. My feelings are a snarl of complex emotions. Learning that he’s wanted me for years is strange.
Learning that he wanted me and still left?
Devastating.
Dad sighs as I struggle to answer. “Sometimes I think I overreacted when I sent Kristian away two years ago. My guilt over Chessa was so raw that I wonder if I treated him too harshly.”
I look up in confusion. “Your guilt? But it was an accident that Chessa died. You couldn’t have done anything to help her.”
Dad gives me a sad look. “Sweetheart, not that. The way Chessa died was a terrible way to go, but I’m talking about the home invasion. I’ve never stopped feeling terrible about that night.”
The night when five tweaked-out assholes broke in and four of them gang-raped Chessa in revenge for Dad killing their boss. I shake my head. “But that wasn’t your fault either.”
He gives me a sad look. “Wasn’t it? It never would have happened to her if she hadn’t married me. Chessa was a carefree, beautiful young woman when I fell for her, but by my side, she only knew suffering.”
“That’s not true. Chessa loved you. The two of you were happy together, and I saw how you made her laugh and made her feel cherished.”
“I think about her all the time these days. Because of…this.” He glances around at the machine, himself. “I think about your mother. About Kristian. You. There’s so much guilt, sweetheart.”
He closes his eyes from the pain of it all, and I study him closely. I don’t understand why he’s being so harsh on himself. Dad’s never been the kind of man to wallow in self-pity.
I reach out and cover his hand with mine. “Chessa never blamed you for what happened that night, and she would be sad to know that you’re hurting yourself over it now.”
Dad takes a shuddering breath and opens his eyes. “I hope I did my best for you after that night, but I feel like I failed you too.”
I try to remember when Dad ever failed me. Truthfully, I can’t remember anything specific Dad did in the months after the home invasion, and that’s fine, because he had to be there for Chessa and the other kids. All my memories are of Uncle Kristian. Helping me grow fierce. Showing me how to make sense of this cruel world and my place in it.
