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I clench my hands between my knees, my cheeks burning. “Fine. Let’s go with the shot. And may I please have a prescription for Plan B? I know, I should have been more careful. You don’t need to lecture me about safe sex because I won’t do anything risky again.”
But Doctor Nader seems too distracted to give me a lecture. More beads of sweat break out on his forehead as he dithers over my request.
A moment later, he reaches for a drawer and his voice is unusually high as he says, “Actually, I keep stock of Plan B in my office. Every other day I have a woman asking for it, and the sooner it’s taken, the better.”
Doctor Nader drops a blank white box into my hand with a nervous smile. Maybe there’s no name on the box because it’s generic? I don’t know how drug companies work, but I’m sure it’s fine. I tuck the Plan B into my handbag for now because I don’t have any water on me. “Thank you so much, you’ve saved me a trip.”
“It’s no problem at all. Now I’ll get you the shot.”
He stands up and moves to the other side of the room, getting what he needs, I presume. I’m preoccupied by my own thoughts when he comes back to me with a needle.
“Pull your sleeve up for me. The shot goes into your upper arm.”
I stare at the needle. If he sticks that in me, I won’t be able to conceive for three months.
Doctor Nader frowns when I don’t move. “Is there anything wrong, Zenya?”
But what if I want a baby? A little baby who looks like Uncle Kristian and has his crystalline blue eyes and white-blond hair. A baby he would hold in his strong arms with a gentle smile on his handsome face. My insides melt as I picture him putting his forefinger in the baby’s tiny hand and it gripping him with all its might. When it cries, its cries would be loud and demanding, because any baby of his would be strong and spirited.
My heartachesas I imagine it.
What the hell is wrong with me? Maybe I’m more like Uncle Kristian than I thought, and I crave to behave disgracefully and revel in everyone’s outrage. Or maybe I have a self-destructive streak that’s pushing me toward messier and messier decisions.
Or do I want to have Uncle Kristian’s babies because I’m in love with him?
I nibble on my lower lip, trying to decide what the right thing is to do. I don’t have to have a second shot if I change my mind later, but not having the shot today and throwing away the Plan B would be totally irrational.
I pull up my sleeve, turn my face away, and offer my arm to Doctor Nader. “Nothing’s wrong. Give me the shot.”
* * *
As I stepthrough the front door, the sound of my brothers’ and sisters’ animated voices greet my ears. Everyone seems to be at the back of the house in the kitchen.
“Is that you, Zenya?” a woman’s voice calls amid the sound of clanking dishes and something sizzling. I can’t see who it is, but I recognize her voice. Aunt Eleanor, Chessa’s sister. She comes over once a week to cook dinner for us all. I’d forgotten tonight was her night, and I’m grateful because I’m so distracted right now, I might put a chicken fillet in the toaster.
“Yes, it’s me. I’ll be there in a minute,” I call back.
Someone strides out of the lounge, snatches my handbag from my shoulder and pulls it off my arm. I whirl around and see Uncle Kristian pawing through the contents. He must have been home and come back again because he’s changed out of his bloodied assassin getup and he looks clean-cut in a black shirt and pants.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I ask him, trying to take my bag back, but he steps out of reach, still hunting among my lipsticks, tissues, receipts, and keys. A moment later he holds up an empty blister packet, an expression of hurt and accusation on his face. I snatch it back and shove it into my bag.
He doesn’t get to feel hurt.
And yet, a pang of conscience slams through me.
Uncle Kristian glares at me. “I thought so. You ran straight to Doctor Nader.”
I gaze up at him with my emotions in free fall. I did the right thing, didn’t I? He’s twice my age and he’s myuncle. Just because I’m insanely attracted to him doesn’t mean I should lose my sense of reality.
Uncle Kristian steps closer and puts his mouth close to my ear. There’s a secretive smirk on his lips like he knows something I don’t. I must look devastated as he hurries to reassure me. “Don’t worry, I understand. You panicked. Next time then, princess.”
A shiver goes through me, and he feels it. Glancing left and right, he pulls me into the next room and behind the door. We’re hidden from sight but the door is still open. My brothers, sisters, and aunt are just feet away.
But he still kisses me.
A greedy, aggressive kiss with one hand gripping my waist and the other cupping the nape of my neck. Bending me to his body. His desire. His will. He thrusts his tongue into my mouth with a hunger like he’s been starving for me for years, not a matter of hours.
Uncle Kristian rests his forehead against mine and whispers fiercely, “I’ll never let you go. Never. You’ve always been mine and you always will be mine.” He delivers a final, bruising kiss and disappears.
