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“Thank fuck,” Amell murmurs, and I try not to be warmed by the fact that Amell is invested in my brother’s security and happiness.
Which translates to him being invested in my own.
Amell takes my elbow, stopping to turn me toward him. “Nyssa… I don’t have a lot of time. I said things to you that weren’t true, and I need to correct that.”
“You’ll need to be more specific,” I say, anger flaring.
He nods, eyes shining with sympathy. “I gave you many untruths, and I did it to push you away. I thought you’d have a better life away from me, but as someone pointed out recently, I think I was just scared by the depth of my feelings. Jago nearly killed you, and I didn’t think I’d survive losing you.”
I furrow my brows, because that makes no sense. “So you didn’t think you’d survive losing me, yet you lost me anyway. You look like you’ve survived just fine.”
“Yeah, okay… maybe I survived, but I’m not living. Not really.”
I glance around, nibbling on my lip. This is a lot. It’s something I never thought I’d hear. I left Amell behind and never expected to see him again.
My eyes come back to him. “You know all the terrible things that happened to me over my life.”
Amell nods.
“Nothing had ever hurt me the way you did, because I never let myself care about anything. But I opened myself to you and laid my heart on the line… and you just… you crushed it. You did it in mere minutes and never once thought to try to talk it out with me. I don’t know why you’re here, but if it’s to apologize, I accept. But I don’t think there’s anything else to talk about.”
“But there is,” he insists, hands coming to my shoulders. “You still haven’t let me set my lies straight.”
“What lies?”
“All the ones I told you to make you leave. Don’t you remember?” I try not to. All I allow myself to retain is that Amell didn’t want me anymore. “I told you that I can’t ensure your happiness. That’s a lie, because I know I can. I told you I didn’t want to be responsible for you, but having you to care for is the most important, rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my long existence. I said I didn’t have time for you, but time moves achingly slow without you by my side. I even told you that you weren’t worth the effort, but in truth, creating dreams with you was the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
“Amell,” I whisper, because admittedly, his words punch deep.
“I told you I don’t want commitment, and that’s the biggest lie of all. I want to bind my life to yours, and yours to mine, and I want to live until the end of time with you. I want to worship and love you every day until the world can’t go on anymore, and then I want to love you beyond that into the next world.”
That gets the most visceral reaction from me and I tear free of him. “Don’t use that word.”
“Love?” he asks gently, reaching right back for me. His hands go to my face this time, and he pulls me close. “It’s the best word I have to describe what I feel for you. I love you, Nyssa.”
My gaze drops, but he doesn’t let it stay there. A hand comes under my chin, and he forces it up. “I’ve given those words to one other person in my life, and that was my daughter. And while I love Thalia dearly and would sacrifice anything for her, if I had to go the rest of my life banished in the Underworld to never see her again, I could handle it. I can’t, however, handle another fucking day without you. I am begging you to give me another chance to prove it to you.”
“Another chance?” I ask, confused as to what that means. I’m alive again. Zora gave me a new body. “Would I have to die?”
“No,” he says on a long sigh, what I think is relief that I’m even entertaining this. “You would travel to the Underworld as any human would travel to another dimension.”
“But I’d age—”
Amell shakes his head. “No. If you let me, I can make you immortal. There’s strong enough magic to do it. There’s even a dimension called Semper Terra where they use stone magic to stop the aging process.”
“Oh… wow,” I mumble, mind spinning. I mean, he’s apologized. He said he loves me. He’s asking me to return to the Underworld.
Do I forgive him? I accepted his apology, and he’s said all the right words, but… I still feel the pain he caused.
“If you don’t want to come with me,” Amell says, and my eyes fly back to him. “If you’re happy here, especially since you’re near your brother, I’ve petitioned the gods to grant me mortality. To free me from my obligation to the Underworld and let me live out a short but what I know will be a very satisfying life with you.”
My eyes flare, my mouth falling open. “You’d do that for me?”
“I’d do anything, Nyssa. Anything you could imagine in that beautiful head of yours, I’ll do it, if it means you’ll come back to me. Say you forgive me.”
“I do,” I say without hesitation. Because his willingness to give up his life to be here with me tells me all I need to know.
“And do you love me?” he whispers, dipping his face close to mine.
