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He seemed quite certain that their relationship couldn’t last. Yes, his past had made him wary, and perhaps even scornful of any kind of commitment, but didn’t he want to change that belief to something better? As much as she loved him, if Jake didn’t have any faith that things could be different Caitlin wasn’t going to settle. Her self-respect was paramount, and she wasn’t about to risk losing it for even a second…not even for the man she loved.
‘I’m sorry, Jake.’ Pulling his jacket from her shoulders, she pushed it into his hands. ‘If all you’re offering me is some temporary little affair—some supposed “fun” until you grow tired of me and move on to somebody else—then I’m going to have to say no. You once asked me if I was sure I was committed to this band and I told you categorically yes. Right now that’s all I’m interested in—the band. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really need to get back to my bed. If I don’t get at least six hours’ sleep then I won’t be fit for anything tomorrow. Goodnight, Jake.’
Just before she turned and walked away Caitlin had the bittersweet satisfaction of seeing the bewilderment and hurt in Jake’s eyes. But as she put more and more distance between them the pain she felt at knowing they would never be lovers again was so intense that she felt as if it drilled a hole right through her heart and out the other side.
Jake stayed where he was, staring out at the frigid sea for what seemed like an eternity. It was hard to take that Caitlin had turned him down. But then everything he’d wanted to say to her had somehow come out wrong.
His heart had leapt at her soft-voiced confession that she’d found it hard to trust another man after what her ex had done to her, and she’d given him a genuine opportunity to meet her halfway when she’d said that if she could open her mind to the idea of learning to trust again, why couldn’t he? But he’d completely messed it up when he’d let fear take over instead. She’d been insulted that all he seemed to be offering her was a temporary affair.
Did she really believe that, given time, their association could become more permanent? Was she perhaps hoping for marriage?
He couldn’t help it, but the idea of marriage made Jake’s blood run cold when he recalled what Jodie had put him through. Caitlin was nothing like his mercenary ex-wife, but if she became well known, with all the temptations that fame would undoubtedly bring to a beautiful girl like her, wasn’t it possible that she would be the one who grew tired of the relationship and wanted to move on to a better prospect? It would kill him to have to go through another bitter court battle if his new wife treated him in the same heartless way his ex had.
As he dug his now freezing hands into his jacket pockets and moved back down the pier Jake knew that as much as he cared for Caitlin, as much as he desired her and yearned to protect her, he couldn’t risk losing his heart to her and having to endure the consequent fall-out should things go wrong.
Because if that happened, this time he really would be a broken man.
CHAPTER TEN
PLANTING HIMSELF AT the back of the crowd that night, Jake sensed the familiar zig-zag of electricity shoot through him—as he always did before a band walked onto the stage…especially a band he was managing.
The day he stopped being excited about his work was the day he stopped living. He’d witnessed too many managers in the business become lazy or complacent when they got rich, content just to milk the financial rewards without actively contributing to a band’s or a singer’s success. Jake was scathing about such behaviour. For himself, music was its own reward—and if he could help a band attain success, then every sleepless night and grey hair was worth it.
Blue Sky was a week into their tour and the venue that night was a noisy and popular music pub on the Kent coast. The band were booked to play there from eight-thirty onwards. At Jake’s suggestion they had made some last-minute alterations to the playlist, taking out a couple of the original tunes and replacing them with two slower numbers that Mike had written and that in Jake’s opinion were outstandingly good. He was also showcasing Caitlin’s skills as a vocalist.
