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He paced next to the stool. “He’s missing, Lila. Aaron. Your husband is gone and no one has heard from him. You have to admit that’s terrifying.”
In ways he couldn’t possibly imagine, but she couldn’t say that. “If I thought he fell down while jogging around the lake, I would have been there. It’s busywork. Not real. He went to school that morning.”
“We don’t know that!” His yell vibrated against the walls.
For a few seconds, she didn’t say anything, hoping the silence would calm him. “Do you think he left me?”
“No.” He shot the answer right back, but his voice sounded more like his usual tone.
She debated the best way to say the pieces she knew were true. “He’s missing. His car is missing. His phone is missing. His wallet is missing. Something happened between our house and the start of school.”
“Please...” He braced a hand against the kitchen island. “Just tell me if you know something.”
“I have no idea where he is.” She stretched her hand out. So close to his on the counter but still not touching. “That’s the absolute truth.”
It took another minute of silence before his shoulders fell. “Okay.”
She watched the anger drain out of him. The fight left him in inches. His whole body relaxed as he slumped onto the stool next to hers.
His eyes remained closed, but her gaze searched his face. “People are going to say things. Ask questions about our marriage. Draw conclusions.”
He slowly opened his eyes and stared at her. “Are you worried I’ll believe them?”
Stark pain lingered there. It was almost as if he’d been emotionally running and had finally fallen. His worry. His doubts. They all floated to the surface and seemed to overwhelm him, pushing him down and sucking the life out of him.
She’d heard the whispers. Some were far louder than that. People knew Aaron had left in the morning and disappeared,and they’d started talking. All of it was about her and how she couldn’t be trusted.
She’d expected this, but she’d expected cover. The incriminating evidence she’d planted in the car should have been the main focus after finding his body. Without his body, the spotlight fell on her. Burned right through her.
“We’re not a warm and publicly affectionate couple.” She’d planned but not for that long or far back. “Hell, if I’d known that was some sort of test I would have faked it.”
Jared’s hand covered hers. “That’s all bullshit. If that’s the test, then everyone should be whispering about me. You’re married. I’m perpetually not and don’t see it ever happening.”
She thought about all he’d lost. He’d known so much pain, and this time she’d caused it. “That’s not—”
“I feel nothing.” He shook his head. “I like seeing someone and feeling that ping. I love the chase. The initial being together. But after that...”
She’d never heard him talk about his romantic life in depth. In passing, or in response to jokes from Aaron, sure, but the words now, so simple and plain, sounded like they were being ripped out of him. A lack of connection. Loneliness.
Understanding wasn’t the same thing as offering hope, but she tried. “At least you feel a ping.”
He laughed, but there was no lightness in the sound. “God, maybe we are broken.”
“That’s a big word.” She turned it over in her head. She wanted to deny it. A survivor. That’s how she saw herself.
He gave her hand a final squeeze then let go. “Ginny used it when she asked about you.”
No shock there. Lila could almost hear her say it. To be fair, Lila had thought about Ginny’s life, too. About what happened when she put down the gun and went home. “I imagine she has a nice house and nice husband and they have nice dinners together.”
Jared made a choking noise as he stood up and headed for the refrigerator. “That makes me want to walk into traffic.”
“Oh, hell. Same.” The last bit of tension left the room. She welcomed back the ease. Fighting with Jared, hurting him, made her sick. She didn’t need many people, but her life would be so much sadder without him. The significance of how much he meant to her compared to his brother was not something she wanted to assess right now.
Jared stood across the island from her and slid a water bottle in her direction. “l get you.”
“I get you, too.”
He looked at her right before he took a drink. “I’ll take care of you.”
