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Losing it. He didn’t say the words, but she heard them.
Chapter Twenty
They met for coffee. Elisa wasn’t in the mood or the right mindset to leave the house. She wanted to hide out, snuggle in a blanket on her favorite, overstuffed chair. Not think. Not worry. Not slowly lose her mind. She felt like this loose compilation of parts and that at any minute a piece of her could fall off, break down, or unravel.
Trying to focus on Abby’s messages with the unidentified stranger didn’t ease the tension that now coursed through her nonstop. Her anxiety medication took the edge off, dulled the pain that sometimes weighed down every limb and every muscle, leaving her flat and even less able to handle anything negative. Her usual self-calming routine of tea-and-sit-outside-in-the-sun did nothing to stop her mind from snaking through topic after topic.
She’d been almost frantic with the need to dosomething... but she didn’t know what that something was. Then Rachel called. She’d suggested a coffee break and Elisa headed for the car with the keys in her hand before her brain could reboot and screamno.
As Elisa waited in line for her latte and muffin, she mentally planned her early exit. For months she’d entertained the idea of leaving her house for social engagements but only in theory, not in reality. During that time, she’d made every excuse and canceled almost every get-together until her friends finally stopped asking.
That’s why she was so determined to see this informal date through. She needed to get back on track... to figure out whatnormalwas supposed to be, then get there.
Elisa shifted her bag to hang over her arm and balanced her mug and plate in her hands as she walked over and joined Rachel at a table. She’d picked one toward the back of the café, which Elisa appreciated. No need to be on display. She hadn’t done the small-talk thing in a while and hoped the skills were only rusty and not gone.
Rachel jumped in first. “This was a nice surprise.”
Elisa had to laugh at that. “You’re the one who issued the invitation.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d say yes.” Rachel had settled on coffee and was in the process of adding three sugar packets to her mug. “You told me you prefer to be at home.”
Huh. Elisa didn’t remember spilling that fact, but the way Rachel said it, it didn’t sound pathetic, so Elisa nodded. “But I’m weak when it comes to offers of coffee.”
“I like this...” Rachel ripped off a piece of her pastry. “Whatever it is.”
“A raspberry something.”
Rachel visibly swallowed. “Can I be honest?”
“That sounds better than the alternative.” And scary. Itwas one of those conversation starters that clicked Elisa’s senses to high alert.
“Well, I know how tense things are between you and Josh. I worried that tension would spill over to me.”
Elisa felt her body relax, easing off the automatic fight-or-flight stance that now kicked in at the mention of Josh. “He thinks I’m being disloyal when I ask about Abby.”
“Are you?” Rachel’s serious expression morphed into a smile. “I’m kidding.”
Uh...“You scared me there for a second.”
“No, listen. You’re asking questions that should be asked about Abby.” Rachel flicked another sugar packet in the air before ripping it open and pouring part of the contents into her coffee. “He’s defensive, and I get why, but he’s still out of line.”
Not even Harris had admitted that. But Rachel, an almost stranger, was giving the benefit of the doubt and Elisa appreciated that. Still, she treaded carefully, not sure how in love Rachel already was with Josh. “Does it worry you that Josh isn’t the one asking the questions about a woman he was going to marry?”
Rachel shrugged as she took a sip of what had to be the sweetest coffee in Pennsylvania. “He’s talked with the police about Abby. He told me they insist there’s no evidence that anything happened to her.”
Yeah, Elisa had heard that, too. “There’s no evidence it didn’t.”
Rachel sat back, nursing the mug in both hands on her lap. “What do you think is going on?”
This felt like a trap. Elisa toyed with the idea of telling hertheory—that they had a fight and Josh . . . did something—but she ran the risk of Rachel running back and telling him. Elisa could only imagine the implosion after that. Harris already looked at her with pity. She couldn’t handle it if that expression turned to hate and shame.
“I don’t know,” Elisa said instead.
“You’re dodging the question.”
Yes, absolutely. “Is there any part of you that—”
“Thinks my boyfriend will kill me in my sleep?” Rachel asked in an amused voice.
