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Retta poured a cup of tea and sat back in her chair. “Knows about what?”
“About the group.” Was she allowed to mention the group? Jessa had no idea what the rules were or if it was okay to bring the topic up again. “What you do...” This conversation could not go worse. “I don’t really even understand what I’m talking about.”
Retta smiled. “Jessa, please calm down.”
“I can’t.” The energy revving up inside her had her shifting in the antique chair. Jessa tried to hold in the pulsing ball of exasperation, anger, and terror, but it spilled out. “Tim told me to leave the condo. I’ve lost my job. I might be disbarred. I have nowhere to go, no extra money, and now I might not be able to earn any.” She gulped in a deep breath and kept going. “Reporters are snooping around my past, and... We all have stuff we don’t want people to know, right?”
“Well. That’s quite a day.”
“Too much.” Jessa reached her breaking point then went soaring past it. “I can’t—”
“Jessa.” Retta set her cup down on the table. “Tell me you want help.”
“I don’t...”
“Say the words.”
Is this a test?Jessa dropped into the chair. “I want help.”
“There.”
Uh...“There?”
“Do you understand that accepting help means accepting the ties that come with the assistance?” Retta asked. “It’s about holding up your end of the bargain. Responsibility.”
Jessa wanted to scream,Yes,to all of it... no matter what it was. “Please just tell me what you want me to do. I’ll do anything, but I can’t deal in riddles right now.”
“First, you’re not special.” Retta stopped there, as if to let the harsh reality of her words seep in. “You’re experiencing the same thing that many people without power, money, or resources in the legal system deal with every single day.”
“Justice shouldn’t depend on not having a rich person attack you.”
“You’re on the defensive. People will lie and hurt you. Belittle and disregard you.” Retta didn’t sugarcoat. If anything, she ramped up the tension by shoveling on the painful truth. “You’ve lost control of the conversation, to the extent you were invited in the conversation in the first place.”
That defensiveness she mentioned kicked up and demanded Jessa’s attention. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You don’t need to lie.” Retta picked a piece of lint only she could see off her pants. “Perfection is not the price of admission to the group. Your drive comes from being imperfect, and that drive is what the group needs.”
Jessa repeated those words in her head, letting them soothe her frazzled nerves. She couldn’t claim anything close to perfection. “But... I...”
“You do need to own your mess. And, let’s be honest, that is not one of your strengths.” Retta shot Jessa a look that dared her to disagree. When she wisely didn’t, Retta continued. “First, Tim is the wrong man for you. He sucks up all the air in your relationship. He wants someone to support him, not a partner.”
“True.”
“I’m not judging him. That’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be the only member of a household in the spotlight, but it’s not what you need. Accept that, because, while your heart feels dented, it will heal.”
Tim’s face popped into Jessa’s mind. That smile. The assured way he moved through the world. She’d been attracted to all of it. All the characteristics she wished she possessed. “I thought he was the one.”
“Would ‘the one’ walk out so quickly or feel threatened by your career?” Retta snorted. “You need to be in sync with your partner, share the same goals. Agree on what’s important—I think of these as your absolutes—and agree on what you’ll do to protect those absolutes, what you’re not willing to compromise on, and how far you’ll go to hold that line.”
“Like you and Earl.” Jessa could see it. The way they looked and acted. Every step matched.
“Exactly.” Retta smiled. “It’s about understanding the values that bind you as a couple and nurturing them.”
“I can’t imagine being that close to someone.”
“Which is how you should have known Tim was not the one.” Retta waved a hand in the air. “And you were wrong before. You still have your job. It’s on hold, waiting to see what you do, how you react to the circumstances you’ve landed in.”
Jessa tried to take the cryptic remark apart and make sense of it, but she couldn’t. But she was very in touch with how pissed she was. She didn’t have a single good thought for Covington or any of the other partners. “I should leave the firm. There’s no support there.”
