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My soul burned. “I…”
“Say the word and I will make it happen. I will pull you into the dark with me. I wouldn’t think any less of you. What I feel for you is cemented into my very being, it was written in the damn stars before this galaxy existed.” He brushed my hair away and I held onto him, afraid that I would lose myself if I didn’t hold him tightly enough.
“Would you think me evil if I said yes?”
“Never.” I read the truth in his eyes. “I’m a selfish bastard, Ekaterina. A part of me would love nothing more than pull you into the deep with me, to never resurface. It would create just one more tie that would bind us forever. I would paint these streets red if that would put a smile on your face and I would feel no remorse over it. I’m not wired to feel regret once I make up my mind. The question is, couldyoulive with yourself?”
I sighed, all fight leaving me. Could I punish the son, while I wasn’t even sure he’d had a hand in my mother’s death? Could I orphan his children?
I sighed. “I can’t do that.”
“I didn’t think you would.”
Sometimes he knew me better than I knew myself. In a way, he had tried to save me from myself, I suppose.
“I understand why you lied to me,” I said, “But don’t ever do it again. It makes me feel worthless, like you don’t give a crap about me.”
“I vow it,” he solemnly said.
“It wasn’t the only reason I left,” I admitted, debating for a second if I should fill him in on what really bothered me. Oh, well, why not?
He cocked a brow.
I looked him straight in the eye. “I can’t live with a man I love, but who doesn’t love me back. It hurts too much. I know myself well enough to know that I would try everything to make you feel the same, but that’s just the crux of it, isn’t it? There’s no such thing as making someone love you. Someone either does or they don’t. Love can never be coerced, only be given freely.”
He brushed my hair. “You have never lived with a man who doesn’t love you. I think my soul recognized yours the moment we met. It just took the darker side of me more time to catch up to your light. We were inevitable. ”
My hand caught his cheek. He had a five-o’clock shadow, scruff obscuring his skin from my fingertips.
“I’ll never love again,” I said softly. “Never will I let another touch me, protect me, pull me to his side. There’s only one man I choose to spend my life with.”
He kissed the palm of my hand. “So, you will come home?”
I hesitated. “I still feel like I have unfinished business here.” I blinked. “Did you know I have a brother?”
He shrugged. “Ilya, I assume. There were rumors that he’s Aslanov’s, but the man has never confirmed it.”
Which explained Ilya’s cold looks. Not only did Aslanov favor me in public, but he’d never officially recognized Ilya as his own. No wonder Ilya hated me.
My finger trailed over Kristoff’s pec. “Which is one of the reasons I want to stay a few more days. I feel like I still have so much to learn about my mother, and I’d also like to establish some sort of relationship with my brother.” Even if he was a grumpy one.
***
The second we left the VIP-room, heading back into the shadowy hallway, I was hit by a wave of techno sounds. I hadn’t quite realized how much our little slice of heaven—otherwise known as our sordid, passionate, make-up sex room—had been soundproofed.
People bumped into me, some dancing, some shouting, but all of them in a party mood. Kristoff pulled me closer to him, and smashed an intoxicated guy into a wall when he was about to run into me.
The guy grunted but managed to keep himself upright, avoiding falling off the stairs that led to the private rooms.
When I pulled my hand from Kristoff’s, he frowned.
“Bathroom,” I said, pointing in the opposite direction of the dance floor.
In the distance, one of my bodyguards emerged from the crowd. Clearly he’d been watching our room. My cheeks heated at the thought that my brother had asked him to keep an eye on me, when he knew Kristoff had taken me there.
I made my way through the sea of people and hit the ladies room. The floor was a deep-purple marble, and the wallpaper featured a blurry sixties print that almost made my eyes bleed. Itook care of my business, fixed my hair and lipstick, and headed out. This time, the hallway was less busy, so I didn’t need to push through a lot of people.
I smiled when I neared the stairs that led to the VIP rooms downstairs. For as long as I lived, I would never forget that experience with Kristoff. It had felt like a sort of Renaissance for our relationship.
