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He shakes his head. “That’s just sex, Lia, and you know it. All I know is this, if y’all have agreed it’s just sex,”—he holds up his hands—“hey, have at it for the time being. But if it’s more, stop it now. For both of your sakes. Nothing good can come of it if you have feelings again.”
I look down at the toe of my shoe as he continues. “Jake’s a great guy and he’ll act like he’s okay, but Lia…”
He waits until I raise my eyes to his. “He wasn’t okay that night. I saw the look he had in his eyes for years when I looked in the mirror. Don’t string him along.”
Shame prickles my scalp. Was I stringing Jake along as a subconscious way of getting back at him?
No, I have my reasons for wanting it to be just sex, and revenge isn’t one of them. My heart pounds as anger builds in my blood.
I narrow my eyes at him. “Whose side are you on anyway, Landon? You’re my brother and you’re all up in here defending Jake like he’s some poor little helpless soul and I’m an evil woman out to destroy him.”
“That’s not—”
I advance on my brother, my hurt and bitterness an ugly monster that’s needed to be let loose for years.
“My whole life, I’ve always been made to feel like I’m the overlooked child. It’s always been Landon this and Landon that. Then you came home a military hero!” I raise my hands and bring them down, slapping my thighs. Tears prick my eyelids, and before I can stop them, they run down my cheeks.
“You’re older than I am, stronger than I am, smarter than I am. You’ve saved lives of men from bombs and now you patrol the streets to keep this town safe, which I adore and admire about you most of all. But how do I compete with that?” My voice cracks on the last word.
Concern fills Landon’s eyes and he moves to me, trying to hug me. I stiff-arm him and he stops.
Somewhere in the back of my head I know that the target is misplaced—Landon himself has never made me feel second-best—but he’s the only one here.
“And now you’re trying to make me look like the villain in this scenario with Jake.” My voice rises on every word. “But you know what, Landon? I’m not. Jake broke my heart. ”
I stop, my chest heaving, my vision blurred with tears. Sobs choke my throat. “I need you to be my big brother right now. Not Jake Henderson’s friend or the town peacekeeper. My brother.”
Landon’s jaw clenches and he hangs his head a moment before looking back at me. I drop my arm and he moves forward, wrapping me in a hug. “Lia, I’m so sorry. I had no idea you felt that way about Jake or any of that,” he says into my hair. His large hand rubs my back in a soothing motion. “I’m so sorry.”
His murmured words and calming voice break the dam, and there in the kitchen of my childhood, I sob against my big brother’s broad shoulder.
I cry for all the things that I wish were different. Everything from the past I wish I could change, my job, the fact that my heart is still hung up on a man I’ll never be able to have but I’ll never be able to let go of.
He pulls back, his face serious. “It seems like I’m overdue to kick Jake’s ass.”
My chuckle ends with a sniffle. “No, but thanks for offering.”
After that, Landon sticks around and we connect in a way we never have but I’ve always wished for. When our parents come home, we have a heart-to-heart that results in more tears, but the air has been cleared. And we have dinner—just me, Landon, and my parents for the first time in I don’t know how many years.
Now, it’s early evening and I lie in my old bedroom, listening to the faint sounds of the TV in the living room downstairs and the occasional murmurs of conversation between my parents. It’s comforting, and my gut tells me I’m going to miss it when I go back to my quiet, modern, cold apartment in Seattle in two weeks.
My phone dings on the nightstand next to me and butterflies set off in my belly. I already know who it is before I check the screen.
I roll over and sit up on my elbow. There’s a text from Jake, just as I figured.
Even though I knew it was him, seeing his name sends a shot of heat between my legs.
Jake: Hey.
Me: Hi.
Jake: It’s later than I thought it would be. The dishwasher situation went to hell fast. I’m sorry.
Me: It’s okay. Turns out I had a busy day today.
Jake: Good busy?
I think a moment before smiling.My eyes are swollen from all the tears, but it was one of the most cathartic days I’ve ever had.
