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The bodies of the wolves rip and snarl, bite and claw, but the more intense fight is going on in our minds. My wolf has taken over physically, trusting me to protect her from Roxanne’s mental attacks. She prods me, threatening to command my wolf to lie down and expose her belly.
I push back angrily, trying to reverse the command and force her wolf to obey. It takes everything I have to hold the surrounding bubble and keep us from falling prey to the command voice.
But it’s exhausting. Like a muscle I’ve never used before, my resistance is weak and caving under the pressure. The bubble around us shrinks until it disappears, and Roxanne’s voice resonates in my head:Give up.
My wolf stops fighting, lying in the ripped up grass and exposing our white belly in submission. In the human corner of my mind, I scream in frustration. She’s not supposed to be able to do that! I’m supposed to be some kind of super powerful alpha. Why is a beta bossing me around?
Roxanne accepts our surrender, then trots off to her pile of clothes. I’m not physically hurt, but every step is exhausting. The energy it took to fend off her attack for as long as I did left me depleted physically and mentally.
Emotionally, I’m also a wreck, which I let her know as soon as we’re dressed.
“I can’t believe you did that to me! You said you couldn’t use that on me anymore.”
Roxanne is nonplussed. “I didn’t do it to bend you to my will, Layla. I did it to show you whatyouhave to do, what you still need to learn. Find your voice and force Amber to submit. You may be a stronger fighter than her, you may not be. But your legitimacy iswithout questionif you possess the alpha voice. You can limp through the next three months, fending off regular attacks at the full moon, or you can establish yourself as alpha now and set to work bringing the pack back together with that energy instead. Of course, it’s up to you, but I know which option I would choose.” She wraps an arm around my shoulders and squeezes. “I know that was a lot for the first time, but I can’t take it easy on you, because no one else will. There is no space in this world to coddle you, I’m afraid. But I don’t really think you need it. You’re a Harridan, after all.”
We reach my mates, waiting on the porch. “I’ll leave you to recover, and let’s meet out here tomorrow, same time. There’s only five more nights until the full moon.”
A heavy sigh pours from my lips, and I nod. Even though I don’t feel remotely like going through that again, I know she’s right. “Okay, tomorrow.”
* * *
Milo
* * *
For the next five days, we do everything we can think of to support Layla while she gets her ass handed to her by Roxanne repeatedly. After the first night, Roxanne forces her to battle twice each night. First for as long as she’ll go, then again after a brief rest.
Every time ends with Layla on her back in the grass.
The wolves fight and score bites and scratches on each other, but I know the worst part is something we can’t even see.
We can hear it; Roxanne’s beta voice echoes through our skulls, the same as the alpha’s, an odd double-timbre when she commands Layla to give up over and over again.
To us, it’s incredible to watch Layla resist. She didn’t know she was a wolf a few weeks ago, so to see her resist the beta command is almost absurd.
But she’s supposed to be the alpha, and she doesn’t have a voice.
Layla explained to us that in her mind, she’s doing the same thing. Thinking as hard as she can, trying to command Roxanne to lie in the grass with her belly skyward while their wolves duke it out.
We never hear her voice once.
When I question Roxanne if she shouldn’t be teaching Layla physical moves, tricks she can use to dominate an attacker, she scoffs.
“You think her problem is physical? No, physically she can outmatch any wolf in the pack, I promise you. Her wolf will handle herself in a fight.
“Layla’s problem is mental. Until she believes in herself, she will fail. Her head will impede her wolf and she will lose. The only way I can think of for her win is for her to accept her status as alpha. When she truly believes it, she will win. When she truly believes it, she will find her voice and then this will be a long-distant memory.”
It’s painful to watch, but no amount of reassurance from us will convince Layla she is the alpha. She has to believe it for herself, and all we can do is offer support and encouragement every time she finds herself on her back.
“It’s hopeless.” Layla’s near tears. It’s Thursday, her last practice before the full moon, and we just witnessed her submit once again to her beta. To be fair, we’re all exhausted, and that’s wearing on us too. Midnight fights every day of the week, plus early morning classes, added to the stress of the upcoming challenge, would be enough to wear anyone down. We walk back into the house and take the elevator up.
“It’s not hopeless.” Landon wraps an arm around her shoulders and she leans into him. “You hardly have a scratch on you! Your wolf is kicking butt.”
“Yeah, well Roxanne said that doesn’t matter if I can’t find my alpha voice.”
“Look, Amber isn’t a beta, so she doesn’t have a command voice to use on you,” Jared points out. “Even if you don’t have your command voice, you’re much more evenly matched with Amber, and Roxanne even said your wolf is stronger. Even if you don’t get your alpha voice, your wolf can still defeat her. You’ll be just fine!”
“No, Roxanne’s right. I have to prove to everyone, to myself, that I’m the alpha. And right now it’s just not there. I don’t know if it ever will be. Maybe I’m too late, maybe it’s something to do with my mother running away and never manifesting. I don’t know. Just give me a minute. I’m gonna go shower.” She trudges into her room, closing the door to her bathroom and leaving the bedroom open.
