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She could relate to some of that, she realized. She knew what he meant, about being someone to be proud of, someone who belonged. It hit closer to the mark than she felt comfortable disclosing. Her mother had died when she was a baby, her grandparents had done everything for her, but they were very much not her parents. It was in her ambition and drive to succeed and be an overachiever, that she found her place, that she found she could stand tall and be somebody. A woman of means, intelligence, and wit, who got what she wanted. An independent woman, a proud woman. A woman who saw where she wanted to be, and how to get herself there. Who could get shit done, as Colt had eloquently put it. She sighed. She had looked down on Colt at the beginning, but she was now aware of how they were on equal footing. They had always been, she was just blind and ignorant. Some aspects of this MC life he described sounded positively barbaric, but some of it… she saw the spark in his eye and she felt it in her own heart, too. He cleared his throat and she was aware he had stopped talking. She had been too busy thinking and eating humble pie.
* * *
“You ready to go off grid?”he asked, his gaze flicking sideways to her in the passenger seat.
She’d been watching the trees pass by as they zoomed along, eating up the miles as they meandered deeper into the state, further from the highway. “Am I ready?” she repeated, turning to him. She nodded and cleared her throat. “It feels good to be heading away from… things.” She shrugged her shoulders.
He watched her for a moment, understanding flickering in his eyes. “It feels good to be out.”
She took a deep breath, relishing in the freedom in front of her. She wanted to feel it, smell it. “Can we... can we put the windows down for a second?” she asked.
He blinked at her.
“I just want to... feel...” She tried to articulate, looking down, scared of what she would see in his eyes.
But then she heard the noise of him rolling down his window, so she immediately did the same and the car was filled with the roar of the wind buffeting in from outside. Instantly, the smell of pine trees, of forest and earth rushed in. The warmer air. It was sweet.
“Yeah!” She raised her voice, grinning from ear to ear despite herself. She stuck her head out of the window and howled, “Yahoo!”
“Yeehaaaah!” He did the same. She heard him yapping a series of wolf-like howls himself, grinning. “See April, you were born for MC life!” he shouted over the noise of the wind. “Blue’s daughter is a real wild child at heart after all!”
She tossed her hair, letting the wind pull at it. No one had ever compared her to her father before. No one had ever mentioned her father before. She felt a shot of pride, affection and realization as she blushed and looked away from Colt, feeling too exposed. She really had been a total imbecile to dismiss him at the beginning. She felt her world tip off its axis and Colt was the one holding the globe. And the most shocking thing was she didn’t mind. She liked it. She let the wind slap her face, she closed her eyes and embraced it all. Yes, they were on the run from the MC with a price on their heads, barely any possessions between them and if they were caught, then they’d be killed. But they had a fast car. They had their wits. They had each other.
With miles of open road and nights of secluded intimacy ahead, April felt excited, truly excited for the first time in her life. She had no idea what was going to happen between the two of them, but she hoped it was something. She didn’t just want a hot, hard fuck anymore. She was intrigued by the man beside her, she wanted to get to know him more. He was a dangerous man who torched a hotel and stole a van. He could be violent, he had been the president of an outlaw motorcycle club. He had done time in prison, and yet she felt safe with him. She knew he’d never hurt her and would do anything to protect her. She felt like his partner in crime. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she was right where she needed to be.
The sky had clouded over by the time they pulled off the highway. They’d been driving most of the afternoon. It was cooler, the sky was heavy, threatening rain. They stopped for a break. The thrill of earlier had clouded over like the sky. As the miles and the hours passed, he’d felt his growing irritation. His back was hurting him more than he was letting on. It was tiredness. It was the emotional toll of finding out his former brothers were all gone. Fuck, it was nicotine withdrawal.
She settled herself, seated cross legged in the back of the van, letting him be for now. She had flung the doors open and let the fresh air in. She nursed a can of orange soda like it was an expensive whiskey. And she watched him prowl.
He stalked over to a fence about ten angry paces away, patting down the pockets in his jeans. He pulled out his lighter and a pack of cigarettes. He put one between his lips, holding it loosely, with his mouth open. He flicked the lighter, his face glowed orange and he shielded his flame from the breeze with one hand as he took a deep drag. He closed his eyes with pleasure and relief for a moment. April looked on. Colt opened his eyes and saw her watching.
“I should quit, I know. It’s bad for me, I know,” he snapped impatiently.
“I wasn’t going to mention it.”
He took another drag. He was moody, irritated. But he wanted to be irritated, and hated himself for it. That carefree man who’d chatted easily with her and that howled with delight out of the open windows was gone. He wanted her to hate him, to leave him, to make it easier for him. He wanted to rip out the wiring in his brain that couldn’t just let it be.
Her nostrils flared as she smelled the smoke from where she was. She licked her lips. He watched her. She watched him. He clicked his neck and looked at her like a lion eyeing up his prey. Almost as if she’d dared him to, he grasped the bottom hem of his shirt and yanked it over his head.
“That better, Kitten? I’m only worth looking at when I’m shirtless?” Then he sauntered closer.
He wanted her to scold him, shame him, make him feel like the monster he thought he was. But the expression on her face told him she wouldn’t do that. He both hated and loved her for it. Why couldn’t she just tell him he was a fuck up and saunter off into the distance to a taxi, leave him to fester? He wanted her to and yet he didn’t want her to. He already knew that she wouldn’t do that, her guard was dropping, and she was willing to let him in. He was terrified.
She cleared her throat. “I want to know the story behind the nipple piercing.” She nodded to the little silver bar that caught the light.
His eyebrows shot up and he looked down disarmingly, surprised. “Same as the story behind that little ear piercing of yours.” He shrugged. He felt he’d disclosed too much to her earlier. He’d basically stalked her relentlessly, he was there for all of the big moments in her teenage life. He regretted he had been so open earlier. He didn’t want to talk about the past. He felt moodier than the gray, threatening sky up above them.
She frowned and gazed up at him with those blue, blue eyes. “I got this done when my friends and I took a trip to Atlantic City… wait, you came?”
He nodded once. She absent-mindedly twisted the dainty little diamond in her tragus. “We all got piercings...” She drifted off.
Colt couldn’t keep his foul mood up when she was around him. He couldn’t keep hating himself when she was there. He resigned himself to telling her more. Hell, she already owned his heart and soul. What was one more slither of his flesh?
“Yeah, the other girls got their belly buttons done, thank fuck you wanted your ear otherwise your dad would have actually killed me... I had to check it out, ensure the place was decent... plus one of the guys at that gym by the beach had really helped me improve my squat form and he had a nipple piercing and I thought it looked bad ass at the time…”
“It looks great, Colt. How does it feel?” she asked, reaching out with her fingers as if she wanted to pluck it. His balls tightened at the thought of her pulling it. With her fingers. With her teeth. The jolt that would cause... “I don’t just like you shirtless, Colt, for the record. I mean, I like you shirtless. Despite me desperately not wanting to, I still find you attractive smoking…” She tossed her hair back and took a breath. “I want to see that combination of pleasure and relief on your face when you come deep inside me.” She finished, speaking fast. She looked up at him, shocked at herself. She’d clearly never talked dirty before. That she’d tried for him melted his self-loathing.
He took a deep drag and smirked. He no longer felt full of rage, she had successfully massaged his ego enough to believe maybe he didn’t have to hate himself and hate the world in that moment. He swaggered toward her, until he stood right in front of her.
