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He tipped his chin, and my focus went to the one of him and Alec. My heart hurt again. I wondered if it would ever stop hurting or whether the pain was normal. That if it ceased, it only meant you were dead and unable to feel anymore.
And I realized this affected the both of us. There was no doubt that Austin loved Alec, and I hadn’t realized that he was looking forward to having him as a brother-in-law. Now, that would never happen.
He took one long inhale and exhaled slowly. “I considered Alec family. I enjoyed going to your over-the-top Christmas parties because, at home, it’s just the three of us. I’m sure it didn’t seem like it. Usually, I just sat in the corner and drank that spiked eggnog Brooke always made, but it was something I looked forward to every year.”
He looked longingly at the picture. I wondered if he’d eventually take it down.
He had to clear his throat. “I’m gonna miss him. He’s a damn good kid. I know you have a lot to do with how he turned out.”
His gaze slid my way, making my stomach flip, then flop. The butterflies in my stomach took flight again, and it confused me.
“Because he told me you raised him.”
My cheeks flushed red. I was unsure why. Was it because I got shy every time someone paid me a compliment, or was it the intense gaze Austin was throwing my way, scouring my face as though I had a secret message written behind my eyes?
I pulled my hair over my shoulder, tearing my gaze away from his. “He hates me now. I should’ve told him, but there was no way he would’ve ever believed me.” My gaze focused on the portrait of all of them—Austin’s whole family with Alec. “I know you thought I was ready to convict her, but …” The words got stuck in my throat, choked with all the pent-up emotion from the day. “I was really hoping that it wasn’t her that I had seen kissing that guy at the coffee shop.”
He inched closer until our sides were touching. Dipping down, he smiled for my benefit. “He’ll forgive you because he loves you. He freaking adores you, Sydney. There’s no way he can stay mad at you for long.”
“I really hope so.” Because I didn’t think I could live through him hating me forever.
My phone buzzed in my purse, so I ran to the couch to grab it. It was Serena, texting me that she was downstairs.
“My ride is here,” I said, offering Austin a small smile. “Good luck on your surgery tomorrow.”
I walked to the door, and he followed. When I turned around to say good-bye, he simply looked at me, and I couldn’t read the emotion swimming in his eyes.
Most likely, this would be the last time I saw him, and though we were never close, there was still a hint of underlying sadness there. A sadness that echoed in me too.
I stood there, unsure of my next words. I couldn’t exactly say,See you around, because I knew I wouldn’t. Or,I’ll call you, because I wouldn’t do that either.
“Are you gonna be okay?” I finally shot out.
“Me?” He motioned to his body, then winced. “This machine will be fully functioning and back to normal before you know it.”
“Are you sure you don’t need help”—I swallowed—“changing or anything?”
He was still in the same clothes.
He cleared his throat, glancing down at himself. “No, I’m good.”
“You sure?” I wondered how he was going to manage with that sling or even do menial tasks, such as brush his teeth.
He approached, something else in his eyes now, and he didn’t stop until he was a foot away from me. Close enough to reach out and touch … so close that I could see the speckles of light green against his bright emerald irises.
“You keep being this nice to me, Sydney, and I might have to keep you.” His voice was light and joking, but his eyes seared through mine, making heat rush through me.
“Okay.” I gulped. “Have a nice life.” I smiled, all teeth, and turned to walk out the door without pausing. My pulse picked up in tempo. I had no idea why he made me skittish. All I knew was that I needed to place some distance between us.
“See you around,” Austin called out down the hall.
And as I hit the down button for the elevator in front of his apartment, I couldn’t help but wonder why he sounded so sure that he would indeed see me around.
When the elevator pinged and opened, I stepped inside and rested against the wall. I inhaled deeply and let out a long exhale, relishing in the fact that I could finally breathe because in Austin’s vicinity, it was as if I were holding my breath the whole time.
CHAPTER12
SYDNEY
