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“I guess I should feel honoured then.”
“You’re different. You don’t judge me. I don’t think you see me as a little girl like the others do, either.”
“You should talk to Calli. She’s the one who’ll really understand how you’re feeling.”
“Can you believe she’s with Da— shit,” she hisses, cutting herself off. When I glance over, I find guilt washing through her features. “I’m not meant to know about all that.”
“So, how do you?” I ask, genuinely intrigued.
“May or may not have been eavesdropping on Mum and Dad.”
“Rhea,” I warn.
“I know, I know. But it’s the only way I find out what’s going on sometimes.”
“As long as you keep what you hear to yourself.”
“Of course. I’m not a moron.”
“I wasn’t suggesting you were. So,” I say while looking around at the impressive buildings around us. “Where to next?”
5
NICO
“No,” I groan, rolling over and shoving my face into the pillow, squeezing my eyes closed in the hope I can drift back off into my filthy dreams, which are much more preferable than my reality right now.
I force my brain to take me back to the shower as I railed Bri from behind, fucking her cunt like a savage, listening to her as she screamed out my name, begging me to let her fall for me.
My cock aches, pressing into my thick memory foam mattress, begging for the release I clearly didn’t get in my slumber.
I lie there, letting the minutes pass by, focusing on the pounding of my head and the swirling of my stomach.
Both of them have been my constant friends since that night at the country club. The only things that have never left.
The same can’t be said for everyone else.
And I know that’s entirely my fault. I’ve been nothing but a cunt to everyone who’s tried to come and help me. But I can’t help it. Seeing them all getting on with their lives as if nothing has happened is painful. It’s a reminder that someone can leave our lives and be forgotten about in the blink of an eye. I don’t want that. He doesn’t deserve to be forgotten. He was too good for that.
I want to remember everything.
Although saying that, while my head is swimming in vodka, that’s not exactly an easy thing to do. And those happy memories, as nice as they might be, rip me in half when I consider that I won’t get any more.
We had a plan. We always had a plan.
Dad was going to be there with me as I became a soldier, a capo, and then ultimately took over his position when he decided it was time, and not a second before.
But now, I don’t have that. And not only am I not ready to take his place, but no one is going to want me to either.
I’m letting them down. All of them. I’m letting him down.
A pained sob rips from my throat as I consider what his opinion would be on how I’m dealing with all this and my stomach turns over once more.
“Oh shit,” I bark, rolling out of bed and stumbling toward the bathroom.
I hit the tiles beneath the toilet hard, pain searing through my knees and up my thighs as I lean over, purging the poison still lingering in my stomach.
I heave until there’s nothing left, my stomach empty and aching.
