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Me:Fine. I was thinking about you AND Logan, so bring your head down from the clouds.
Trotter:If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. A threesome between you, me, and Logan will never happen so stop thinking of the two of us all the time. Geesh. **eye roll emoji**
Me:I just threw up in my mouth.
Trotter:Whatever. You know you want to.
Me:Stop right now or I’ll seriously throw up.
Trotter:Fine. Let’s talk about something else, then. How about your very own McDreamy?
Me:Pass.
Trotter:Oh, look, I just handed the baton back to you with no take-backs. It’s your turn, coo-ca-choo.
Me:I must have been an idiot to have lived with you for fifteen years. You’re like a freakin’ five-year-old yet.
Trotter:Your insults don’t hurt me.
Me:Whatever. I’ll do it tomorrow. Pinky swear or whatever.
Trotter:Call me crazy, but I’m having a hard time trusting that you’ll do it since you’ve gone back on this promise daily for the past week.
Me:I just need time.
Trotter:I understand that. And I just want you to be happy. And to find what I found with Logan.
Me:I know. But who’s to say I’ll find it with Cash? Come on, Trotter. We were together one night fifteen years ago. It’s not like we’re soulmates or long-lost lovers or anything.
Trotter:Valid point. But do me a favor?
Me:No promises.
Trotter:This is an easy one. Find your happiness. For years you gave me what I needed because you’re a selfless goddess who gave up everything so I could have what I thought I needed. It’s your turn, honey.
I read his text over twice and tears spring to my eyes. I’ve never truly considered all that I lost when I agreed to marry Trotter. Maybe I wasn’t so much as selfless as I was pathetic because I didn’t have the courage to stand my ground and follow my own heart and desires.
I was a puppet and my parents held the strings. For a while, Trotter held them, too. But we’ve moved past that. Growing up the way we did, it’s hard to see any other way of life for ourselves. That’s why when Trotter admitted he wanted to get married simply because he couldn’t see a life for himself without the money that came with it, I understood.
Our parents raised us to think that money was the root of all happiness. That money was the only constant in life and love was, as my mother put it, a fairy tale.
Trotter:If I haven’t told you today, thank you being you. And for being an awesome mom to Brooklyn and for not judging me or treating me differently when I told you I was gay.
He tells me this constantly. He claims I saved him because I allowed him to have a safe place to be himself and he wouldn’t have had that if we hadn’t gotten married.
Me:You don’t have to keep thanking me. You would have done the same for me if it was the other way around. And you definitely don’t have to thank me for being an awesome mom, which thanks for the compliment, to Brooklyn. She makes it easy.
When I was younger, I wouldn’t have believed that statement to be true. Now, though, I do. I know he would turn the world sideways to help me and be there for me. Maybe it’s because he experienced me being there for him first or maybe it’s because he’s matured. It could be a combination of both. Either way, I know he would move mountains for me now.
Me:Besides, if I hadn’t married you, we wouldn’t have Brooklyn. I have no regrets.
Trotter:As long as you find yours, I won’t have any either. Love you, honey.
Me:I love you, too.
Trotter:Now make me the promise while I have you feeling all the good things for me.
I roll my eyes even though he obviously can’t see me.
