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“Not until I can get my life straightened out,” she says and laughs softly. “Once I get my own house in order, maybe. But definitely not until then.”
“And what is it you need to get in order?”
“Just everything. That's all. No biggie, right?” she quips.
I chuckle. “Honestly, I don't think your house is as far out of order as you think,” I tell her honestly. “You're a good person with a good heart. Your morals and values are solid, you're probably the smartest person I've ever met, and you never fail to do what's necessary.”
“Thank you, but it doesn't feel that way sometimes,” she replies. “I mean, it's like you said earlier, I'm completely unsettled because I'm not doing what I'm meant to be doing.”
“Not through any fault of your own,” I counter. “And circumstances change quickly.”
“You know it,” she sighs, no doubt her own current situation weighing heavily in her thoughts.
Circumstances do change quickly, but what she's not seeing is that they don't always change for the worse. Sometimes, those changes to one's circumstances change for the better. Sitting here at dinner with her tonight has made me evaluate some things about myself and my own life. She's certainly forced me to take a look at how I perceive and interact with the world around me. It's also planted the seeds of an idea in my head – one I really need to think about.
I didn't expect a profound life lesson when I invited her to dinner tonight, but that's exactly what I've gotten. And it's a good thing. It's a kick in the ass I probably needed.
“Anyway,” she shakes her head. “Enough of that. We're dragging ourselves down.”
She looks up and I hold her gaze. “Thank you for having dinner with me tonight,” I tell her. “It's been a lot of fun and has given me a lot of food for thought.”
“You're welcome,” she replies. “Although, I don't think I did anything all that special.”
“You'd be surprised.”
We finish up dessert and I pay the bill, making sure to leave Mrs. Alvarez a very healthy tip, and then we climb back into the car. After dropping Emily off at her place, my driver takes me home and the whole way back, I replay the evening over in my head. And I can't keep the smile off my face.
It was a good night. A really good night. The best evening I've had out in a long while.
And it makes me want more. A lot more.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Emily
For the last couple of weeks, I feel like I've been walking on sunshine and rainbows. It's a little disconcerting to me because I'm not normally like that. I'm usually much more grounded in reality and focused on the here and now.
Ever since that date-that-wasn't-a-date with Aaron, though, I can't help but feel – good. Great, actually. And the strangest thing is, I don't know why. It's not like anything happened. Neither of us declared our feelings for each other or anything. Although I can guess, I don't actually know for certain how he feels about me.
All I know is that some sort of block inside of me feels like it's been cleared out. I know the feelings I have for Aaron are real and they're strong. Something about spending time with him the other night, no pretenses, no putting on airs, just sitting down over a good meal and having a good conversation – getting to see the real man – only confirmed what I already thought about him.
And that's the fact that Aaron Steel is a good man. One I can see myself falling very hard for. Or rather, somebody I'm already falling very hard for. Something about the two of us just clicks. I have a connection with him I've never felt with anybody before, and it lights me up inside in ways I've never known. We share a bond deeper than I ever thought possible. It's something I felt back in college, but never really explored. Maybe I wasn’t ready to handle it back then. But now, it's right there, in my face, and I can't deny it.
It's terrifying territory to be in. Being out on this island of emotion alone is scary. I have no idea how he feels. When I look into his eyes, I think I see the same feelings being reflected back to me, but I don't know for certain whether it's real, or simply wishful thinking. He plays his cards so close to the chest it's impossible to get a read on him. It frustrates the hell out of me.
The time is coming for him and I to sit down and have a talk. We're going to have to not just talk about the elephant in the room with us but do something about it. One way or another, I'm going to have to deal with these feelings inside of me. I can't keep going on like this. I need to find a way to reconcile what's in my head with what's in my heart.
My head is swirling with a thousand competing thoughts as I push my basket through the grocery store. It's been a couple of weeks since I stocked up and I'm running low on staples, so I figured I'd stop by after work tonight. Aaron has some big company-wide announcement scheduled for the morning. I'm anticipating some long nights ahead with the government deal he's been working on so close to fruition, so if I don't do it now, I may not get a chance to for a while.
After a long day at work – made longer by a stop at the hospital so Olivia could have me checked out – all I want to do is go home, have a glass of wine, maybe take a hot bath, and curl up with a good book. Despite my good mood, I've been feeling under the weather for the last few days. It's nothing I can really pinpoint or put my finger on, I've just felt off. Ill. I've been throwing up from time to time. So as a precaution, Olivia pulled a few strings and had one of her doctor friends check me out. They drew blood and are running tests on it. I should hear back in a few days. I'm not anticipating anything huge, probably just a touch of the flu or something. Either way, it'll get taken care of. Until then, I'll just have to deal with feeling a little run down.
As I'm making my way through the produce section, I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. A chill sweeps across my body. I turn around, suspecting there's somebody standing close behind me. There's nobody there, though. I look all around, but don't see anybody so much as looking at me – and yet, that ominous feeling persists.
When my phone rings, I nearly jump out of my skin and let out a squeak of surprise. An older woman a couple of aisles over looks up at me with a mild look of concern on her face. I give her an awkward smile and raise my phone. She seems to grunt and goes back to squeezing the melons on the rack in front of her.
When I see the call coming from an unknown number, I hesitate. The last time I answered an unknown number, it was Robert. And the last thing I want is to talk to him. But it could be Olivia calling me as well, leaving me no choice but to answer the call. I stab the button with my finger and raise the phone to my ear.
“Hello?” I say, a slight tremor in my voice.
