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“Can’t or won’t?” I challenge.
“Fine, I won’t,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Dugald,” Moira says, placing a hand on his arms. “We don’t have a choice.”
A storm of emotions plays in his eyes, but his face is a rock. Stoic and unchanging, his jaw clenched and set. He’s looking over my head, avoiding my eyes. Part of me wants to be angry with him, but I’m not. I see his pain and that too breaks my heart.
He loves me. Has loved me, and I know it’s true even if I don’t have the memories he does. I do feel them, like a chain from the past but I’m not that person anymore. If this is as intimate as they’re saying, then I can only imagine what he must be feeling.
“Dugald,” I say, closing the distance between us.
He stares over my head, not dropping his eyes to mine. Slowly, I touch his face and trace the lines of his jaw. There is a sense of the familiar and I can almost recall past intimacy with him. Almost, but it’s gossamer thin, like a dream you try to hold on to when you wake up.
“No, Quinn,” he says, his voice tight and barely more than a whisper. “I can’t. Do not ask this of me. I’ll get us there.”
There’s a note of pleading in his voice.
“I know I’ve not chosen you,” I say, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. Besides, in the grand scheme of things, does one lifetime matter?”
His eyes drop at last.
“You care?” he asks, eyes narrowing.
“Of course, I do,” I say. “I don’t have the memories of what we’ve shared, but I feel. I care, I sense the truth of your words. And more than that, as frustrating as you’ve been, you’ve always been by my side. You’ve taken care of me, even when I probably didn’t deserve it.”
“Quinn,” he says.
It’s only my name but it carries with it the weight of thousands of words. Understanding, agreement, love, all in the way he gives voice to my name. I nod and both of us have tears welling in our eyes.
“Fine,” he agrees, dropping his arms. “But let’s be quick.”
I let the silence settle over us, grateful for his agreement, but not wanting to make less of his sacrifice. A moment, it’s all I have to give him, but he deserves this much and more if I had it. A smile tugs at the corners of his lips then breaks through like the sun cresting the horizon. He shakes with suppressed mirth.
“Damn it, Quinn,” he says.
“What?” I ask, genuinely surprised.
Before he can answer, Moira does, stepping next to us and placing her hands on both of our arms.
“You always do this to him,” she says. “He’s always soft in the heart for you.”
“I wish I remembered all that you both do,” I say with a shrug.
It’s strange because I feel the truth of their words and know they’re not lying to me on some deep level but there’s no memory to match theirs. I can only imagine this is what it would be like to have amnesia, but I don’t. At least not for my memories of my life. This life, but these others they talk about? I want to reject them out of hand because it doesn’t fit into my world, but then what explains everything? Nothing else makes sense, even if I didn’t have this feeling of truth.
“Can we get on with it?” Siobhan cuts the moment to shreds with her sharp tongue. “I’ve better things to do than watch you three fawning over each other. It’s frankly disgusting.”
“I’m not—” Dugald’s hand on my shoulder stops my words before I say something I’m sure I’ll regret. Siobhan smiles pertly, her eyes challenging. “Right. Let’s do this. What’s first?”
“Take my hand,” Dugald orders so I do.
His hand is rough, calloused, and warm. Those soft echoes reverberate in my head, trying to associate feelings with memories. The feeling of this hand on my flesh, I know it’s touched me in my most intimate places, but at the same time, it wasn’t me.
It’s like a dream where you’re not you, but what’s happening in the dream is happening to you. It’s weird. Really weird. Moira takes my other hand and then she reaches for Dugald’s but he looks over at Siobhan.
“Will you assist?” he asks.
Revulsion forces bile up my throat. I don’t want her involved with anything I’m doing that comes anywhere near intimacy. Before I speak, though, rationality stops me. I’m doing this for Duncan and there is no denying that she’s powerful. Her assistance can only speed this up. I swallow my pride and keep my mouth shut.
