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“No,” I say, standing up and shaking my head. “I’m sorry, Dugald. I don’t have time to argue anymore.”
His jaw tightens but he doesn’t speak. My heart pounds while I wait for him to say something. To act, do something, anything.
“Neither do I,” he says, his voice tight.
He moves closer, into my personal space, but I don’t retreat. The attraction between us is magnetic, pulling on memories I may not be able to recall consciously but my body responds. Dugald brings a strange comfort with his presence and the familiarity leads to welcoming.
“Are you here to help?” I ask.
“Quinn… I…” He raises his hand and brushes a strand of hair off my cheek. His touch is electric, and I want him to touch me more. Silly, ridiculous; I’m with Duncan and there is no time, but his touch offers a distraction and escape.
“What, Dugald?” I ask, feeling breathless. “For once in your life say what you mean.”
His eyes narrow, his lips press together, then he moves. Fast. His arms wrap around and pull me tight. My breasts crush against his rib cage as he knots his hand in my hair and jerks my head back. Then his lips are on mine, his tongue pushing against the thin barrier of my mouth.
Shock draws the moment out longer than I’d ever let it before I push him off.
“No!” I exclaim, moving away. I hold my hands up to keep him at bay and that tiny trickle of power tingles in my core.
“Quinn, I’m sorry,” he says, shaking his head. “You don’t know… can’t you understand?”
“Seriously? Haven’t we been over this enough? What is wrong with you?”
“Quinn, you’re…” He trails off, raising and dropping his hands. “Damn it, Quinn, I love you. I’ve always loved you. You have no idea what it does to me in these lifetimes you choose him over me. What is wrong with you? With me?”
“Damn it, Dugald, how do I know? It’s not you, but my heart is Duncan’s.”
“And how is that fair to me?” he asks. “How am I supposed to stand by and watch you with him?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. The pain in his voice is heart-wrenching but none of it changes the way I feel. “I like you, Dugald. Maybe, on some level, I love you, but not like this.”
“I’ve never stopped,” he says, dropping his head.
“Never stopped what?”
He raises his head, his eyes alight with a fire that burns so bright it competes with the dim glow of the Tree of Life.
“Loving you.”
That is a punch into my guts that leaves me speechless. I don’t know what to say to it. The words are raw, full of passion, and I do feel his love. I do know it, but I don’t feel the same.
“I’m sorry, Dugald,” I whisper.
“Imagine how it is for me,” he says. “I’ve loved you in every incarnation, every time you return. I’ve been at your side, every time. Held you in life and held you while you died. And between them, I wait, wait for you to return and once again decide between him and me.”
“Dugald, I can’t fix this.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “You can’t.”
He closes his eyes, then turns and walks away.
“Dugald,” I call after him, but he doesn’t turn around.
As he retreats anger pulses in time with the beating of my heart. What am I supposed to do with him? I need him, need his help. And I do care about him, but he’s not the one I’ve chosen. Why does he keep bringing this up? How do I get him over it? More than that, why is this my problem?
I close my eyes and try counting to ten, but I can’t make it past four. Literally everything is at stake and the last thing in the world I have time for is this. My heart, his heart, none of it matters if I don’t stop the darkness. The world is going to be destroyed.
Unable to let it go I turn and resume what I was going to do in the first place; find Cernunnos. He’s the key to getting to Duncan and my mother. It feels like the world stutter-steps when I think of her. My thoughts lurch or something weird happens like that. Could she be alive? I can barely wrap my head around it.
