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“Take this, child,” she says. “It will help you when things are darkest.”
“Oh,” I say. It tingles as she places it on my shoulders, but her hands are cold on my face, like icicles. “Thank you.”
“Moira, you will accompany Quinn, act as her guide.”
“Yes, my Queen,” Moira says, curtsying.
“And you, Dugald,” Mab says, and I look around for him since he’d left. “You know you cannot hide from my sight. You too will go as her knight protector.”
Dugald materializes like he’s stepping out of thin air. He looks at me for a long moment then shifts his attention to Mab while crossing his arms over his chest and looking obstinate.
“No,” he says. “I will not.”
ChapterThirteen
My mouth dropsopen and I consciously snap it shut. My chest constricts until it hurts to breathe. I can’t believe he’s saying no, but more I’m surprised by the depth of how much his refusal hurts.
“Dugald,” Mab says.
“No,” I interject before she can say more. “If he doesn’t want to come, fine. I don’t need him.”
He claims he loves me and I believed him, but now he’s acting like a child. Anger and frustration throb in time with the aching. I want to hurt him back, cut him the way his words are cutting me, but I don’t have time or the bandwidth to deal with this.
“You will need him,” Mab says. “Dugald, you know where she ventures. You must join her.”
“I cannot,” he says, shaking his head. “Do not ask this of me.”
“It is not I who ask it of you,” Mab says.
“It’s definitely not me,” I say. “If you don’t want to come, don’t.”
My words ring hollow on the surface but there is truth in them. If he doesn’t want to come with me then I won’t try to make him. I do wish it didn’t hurt so much. I care about Dugald, and on some level I get it. I know what he feels for me and that I don’t feel the same must be painful. But is it so much he’ll let me go into this danger alone? Or is it all that he won’t help rescue Duncan? What kind of love is that?
“You must. Quinn will need her Knight,” Mab says.
“Dugald, you can do this,” Moira says.
“You are not my Queen,” Dugald snaps, his eyes flashing with an inner fire as he glares at Mab. “You cannot order me.”
I half-expect Mab to blast him with some powerful magics but instead she frowns, then nods.
“You are right,” she says. “I am not your Queen and I do not think my sister would order you to go.”
“Good, then leave me alone,” he says.
“But,” Mab says, holding up one delicate finger, “you know my power and I will tell you this. I know your dreams and if you do not go with her, none of them will come to pass. Ever. This is your path, Dugald. You are, of course, free to deny it, but in doing so you will deny not only your destiny but yourself. Still, the choice is yours.”
I’m not sure I fully comprehend what Mab is saying but there is no mistaking the effect of her words on Dugald. His eyes widen, his face pales, and his mouth drops open. He lowers his arms, closes his eyes, then takes a deep breath.
“Quinn,” he says my name as he exhales. “I am sorry.”
He’s so sincere, so vulnerable that it makes me choke up. And no matter how I try to hang on to my anger with him, I can’t. I do understand his pain and have no idea what I would do in his situation. Understanding brings forgiveness.
“It’s okay, Dugald,” I say.
“No.” He shakes his head and moves over. He takes my hands in his, squeezing them as he stares into my eyes. “I am acting the fool. I could not let you go into this alone, no matter how it feels.”
“Dugald,” I say, squeezing his hands back. “I do care about you. Deeply, and I’m sorry that it’s not in the way you want.”
