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“It’s a surprise.” I reach into the pocket of my pressed slacks. “Speaking of…” I pull out a silk tie. “Turn around.”
June raises a brow but complies. “Kinky.”
I wrap the thing around her eyes and secure it behind her head, ignoring the rampant thoughts that come to mind. Like I need any more ideas of the things I’d like to do to her.
I guide her through the garage, help her into the passenger seat of my car, and shut her in. Verifying the gun in my waistband holster is loaded, I shove it back in its home and climb into the driver's side.
A soft melody plays over the speakers, and June quietly hums along.
I’m transformed to a time long ago, when things were simple, untainted. When it was just a boy and a girl, falling in love one day at a time. I loved her from that first moment, but it was all the little ones that made it something truly powerful. Something I never thought I’d find again after I had lost her. I knew my feelings would always remain, but didn’t expect them to be reciprocated. There were times over the years when I’d sneak away, when I would track her down, just to catch a glimpse of her. I watched her from a distance, my heart aching to be near her, but knowing it was impossible. That I missed my window of opportunity once all those years had passed. I told myself she was happy, better off without me, and that she would never understand what I had been through in our time apart.
I fucked up the moment I got into that truck with my father, and I continued to ruin things with each life I took trying to get back to her. I just didn’t fully realize that until I stood in the bloodied aftermath of the massacre I created, and Dominic told me that there was no turning back. That I had two choices: death, or embrace the darkness.
I should have chosen the former, but I was too much of a coward. I took his hand and let him guide me further into the abyss, fully accepting the man I had become—reborn in blood.
He warned me that no one was safe. Anyone I cared for should be left in the past. So that’s what I did. I left her where I thought she would never be harmed by the life that had taken its hold of me.
Eventually, the desire to see her overcame me, and that’s when I finally tracked her down. I needed a glimpse of her, something to confirm that the decision I made was not in vain. She was having coffee with a friend at a café we used to go to. I watched her through the window, my heart being ripped to shreds at the sight of her. But when I saw her smile, could hear her laughter float through the space and to me, I knew I had done the right thing. That I had given her an opportunity at a better life than what I could have given her. That she could be happy without me, and that my presence would have done nothing but bring her down.
I was proud of her for moving on, even though it was like losing her all over again.
I would suffer through that loss over and over if it meant she would be okay.
And so I did, over the years, rip my heart to shreds to verify she was safe…happy.
Because at the end of the day, that’s all I really cared about.
I almost spoke to her once, the urge nearly overtaking me. She was a freshman in college, wandering around the campus of the local university, her gaze darting from a map in her hands to the area around her. She was lost, unsure of where to go. My feet betrayed me, inching out from behind the building I was concealed by. But I was halted by another guy who approached her, mumbling what I can only guess was a question of whether she needed assistance.
The tall man pointed to a nearby building and she nodded, a soft smile of gratitude appearing on her face.
It could have been me but I was too weak, or maybe too strong, to give in.
The two of them shook hands, no doubt exchanging formalities, and went their separate ways.
I left town that day and didn't come back for a while, busying myself with whatever task I could to distract myself from the sad reality that she would never be mine. Pathetically trying to find comfort in someone else, I slept around, but I never felt anything more than a mild attraction to the strangers I occasionally fucked. I convinced myself I didn't have feelings—that they disappeared the same day she did from my life, but still, I was drawn back to this town and the brown-eyed girl who stole my heart.
I was a fool to tiptoe so close to the fire when I stepped foot in a bar I knew she sometimes went to. I just wanted another glance, another morsel of her to tide me over until the next time I couldn’t stand to be away from her any longer. I never meant to bump into her, to talk to her, to hear the sadness—theanger—in her voice. She was bitter, and honestly, I deserved that. I deserved much more. I didn’t expect to feelso muchthough. Her touch was electric, her presence like a defibrillator to my heart. I had told myself over the years that I could handle it, but it wasn’t until that moment that I realized I was sorely mistaken.
Everything I thought I had shut away came rushing back in, and my love for her overflowed like it had never stopped in the first place.
But just as I had all those other times, I swallowed down the painful reality that the June I fell in love with was no more, and that the version of me that once existed died along with the men I slaughtered in my feeble attempt to get back to her.
I had doomed us without even knowing.
June reaches blindly over toward me, nudging the shifter in her attempt to locate me. “Where’s your damn hand?”
I chuckle and place my palm on hers, resting them both on her leg. “I’m right here.”I always have been, June, even when you thought I wasn’t.I’ll never go anywhere—not as long as I live.
“How much longer?” She glances over, despite having a blindfold still wrapped around her eyes.
“No peeking,” I tell her. “We’re almost there.”
“I was trying to track where we were but I got lost after Seventh Avenue.”
“We’ll have to practice that sometime. It’s a good skill to have.” Just in case…because in our world, you’ll never know when it’s the difference between life and death.
I disregard the buzz of my phone in my pocket and pull into the parking lot.
