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It's not until I finally wake up that I realize it wasn't Magnus at all.
I breathe in, that familiar and forbidden scent of a man that isn’t mine.
“Simon?” I mutter.
He smooths the hair off my cheek and looks down at me. “I’m here, I’m right here.”
“You aren’t supposed to be in here.” Am I dreaming, or is this real?
“You were shaking, love.” Simon pulls the blanket over my shoulder.
I blink a few times and sit up, my body immediately growing cold at the loss of his touch.
Simon sits there, his back resting against the headboard of my bed, his shirt wrinkled from where I was nestled into him. This whole time, I thought he was Magnus, I thought one of my men came to me and rid me of the terrifying scenarios that my brain conjures when I try to sleep. But no, it wasn’t—it was their enemy who brought me comfort when they couldn’t…or wouldn’t.
“Simon?”
“Yes, love?”
I sit back, bringing my knees to my chest and pulling the blanket around my body. “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”
“Your taste in men, maybe.” He smirks and tugs the blanket over my exposed foot.
“No, I’m serious. Do you think they had some epiphany, and that’s why they’re so distant and shutting me out? You’re around me more than anyone. You’d notice if I did something wrong, right? If I was defective.”
I shouldn’t be asking him things like this, but who else am I supposed to talk to when I barely get five minutes at a time with my so-called partners. I can’t even talk to Cora about it, either. One, because of the complexities of the situation; it would be too difficult for her to understand. And two, because she’s been out of town the last three weeks at some work education enrichment program. She won’t be home for another week, and by then, I’ll have gone crazy dealing with this situation myself.
Simon repositions himself closer and places his hand on my cheek. “You, my love, are not defective. There is nothing wrong with you. You have done nothing wrong. I assure you, you are perfect in my eyes. All these doubts, these insecurities, you shouldn’t be having them.”
My phone buzzes on the nightstand and Simon breaks away to hand it to me.
“It’s Magnus,” I tell him. “He said he’s made plans for us tomorrow.”
“That’s good, right?” Simon shifts in his seat, moving closer to the edge of the bed, away from me.
“He’s only doing it because we had a fight.” I sigh and drop my phone onto the bed. “It’s a pity date.”
The thing buzzes again, only this time, it’s a text from Dom.
“And now Dom is saying he’s arranging something for Wednesday.” I bury my face in the blanket and let out a muffled groan. “I shouldn’t have to force them to be around me.” I sit up and look at Simon. “Even you’re here out of obligation.”
Simon frowns. “That isn’t entirely true.”
“But it is partially true, there’s no denying that.”
“That’s not fair, love. You chose them, not me. I would…”
I wait for him to continue but he doesn’t.
"I think it would be better for all of you if I weren't here," I tell him. "Then none of you would have to be bothered by worrying about me. You could go back to the life you had before. Hell, you'd have time to date, or do whatever it is you wanted to do. This isn't fair to you either, Simon. You didn't ask for this. You were in the running to take over a criminal enterprise and now you're a glorified babysitter."
“June…” Simon runs his hand through his hair and settles on the base of his neck. “You’ve got this all messed up. And you’re comparing me to them again. Iwantto be here. More than anything,really. There isn’t anywhere I’d rather be. Not a single person I’d rather spend my time with. Coming here, being with you, protecting you, it’s the only reason I wake up every day, and I go to sleep every night counting the minutes until I can be back by your side. How do you not see that by now? I would have nothing if I didn’t have this, if I didn’t have you.”
“That’s even worse, Simon.” I yearn to reach out and touch his arm but I don’t. “Because you don’t have me. This will never be what you want it to be, and what kind of person am I to sit here and torture you with the details of my relationships. I’m not being fair to you. None of this is.”
“If you think for a second that it isn’t all worth it, you’re wrong.”
“You’re delusional, you have to be. You can’t possibly be okay with this arrangement.”
