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He deepened the kiss, opening her mouth, exploring it with his tongue. Evelina felt desire flood through her as his tongue darted into her mouth. This was different from the first time he had kissed her. Then, it had been so quick that she had barely had time to process what was happening before fright and shame had overwhelmed her and she had fled.
This was far more seductive. They had time now to take the fullest pleasure from each other’s lips. Evelina felt like she was slipping deeper into a trancelike dream, into a place she had never explored and indeed had never even known existed.
His hands were exploring her body, roaming over her in a way that was shocking but thrilling. She felt them around her waist, before trailing to her buttocks and squeezing tightly. She gasped again in her throat, feeling almost strangled by desire.
When his hands found her breasts, she almost swooned. She had been dreaming about this, imagining it vividly in her mind. But the reality was even better than her imagination could ever conjure.
He kneaded them through the fabric of her gown before slipping a hand beneath the bodice, stroking her boldly. Her nipples were as hard as pebbles, almost painfully aroused, so receptive to his touch that little sparks of delight were shooting through her.
And then he pulled the bodice aside entirely so that her breasts spilled out. She arched her back as his mouth descended upon them, groping for a nipple. When he took it into his mouth, suckling deeply, her eyes flew open with shock. Her hands twisted into his hair, drawing him closer, unable to believe what was happening to her and how absolutely incredible it felt.
The sparks of delight grew stronger, coursing through her body as his mouth pulled and tugged at her. Evelina felt a warm wetness between her legs and an overwhelming sensation of wanting him closer still. She wanted to twine herself into his body, to merge his body with her own. She closed her eyes, surrendering to the sensation.
She was so full of bliss that it took a moment for her to realise that he was drawing away from her. She opened her eyes, blinking rapidly.
“Why are you stopping?” she whispered, her voice croaky and broken with desire.
Jude was breathing hard, his green eyes glittering fiercely in the flickering light of the candles. He adjusted the bodice of her gown, gazing at her intently.
“I am afraid that very soon I will not be able to stop,” he said, in a husky whisper. “I am afraid that I will be overcome with passion.” He hesitated. “I must keep control.”
She took a deep, ragged breath. She didn’t know what to say. Her body was missing his already, and she was suffused with disappointment.
But she knew he was right. She vaguely knew what transpired between men and women when in the throes of passion. It was something that was only supposed to happen between men and women who were married.
But, of course, that could never happen between them. They would never marry and lie together like that. They must control their passion for one another, even though she wished with her whole heart that they could give it free rein. She wanted to just let it sweep them both away as if on a wind, taking them where it will.
“I want you so much,” he continued, placing his thumb at the corner of her mouth, and pulling it gently. “So much. More than I have ever wanted a woman in my life.”
Evelina blinked back tears. “Why couldn’t you be a gentleman?”
His face twisted. “I wish in this moment that I was,” he said, shaking his head. “I would change into anything to make you mine.” He hesitated. “But I am no gentleman. We both know that there is no future in this. I will understand if you decide it is just too much and want it to stop. I am surprised that it has gone this far.”
Evelina was silent for a moment. “You truthfully feel deeply for me? I am the only woman you covet?”
He looked amazed. “Aye. I am consumed by fire for you and can’t think of anything else.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Or anyone else. The only woman I can see clearly is you.”
Evelina bit her lip. “It’s just… I saw you embracing one of the maids the other day. I was gazing out the window and saw you together.”
He looked dumbstruck for a moment. Then he laughed briefly. “You are talking about Sally Potter,” he said. “She is one of the kitchen maids. She embraced me, not the other way around. And I never asked for it nor wanted it.”
Evelina’s heart tightened. “Please, be honest with me. If you desire her and what you feel for me is the same, I would prefer to know Jude.”
He stepped closer to her, pulling her to him, enfolding her in his arms again. She blinked back tears as she burrowed her head into his chest.
“I have no desire for Sally, nor any other woman but you,” he whispered, kissing her hair fiercely. “I swear it is the truth.” He gave a strangled laugh. “I wish it weren’t true, for I never sought it. Do you know how agonising it is to want someone you can never truly have?”
She pulled away, gazing up at him. “I want you as much. I have tried to fight it, but cannot.” She paused. “It is dangerous for both of us.”
“Aye,” he whispered, kissing her head again. “Do you want to stop? Because I will respect your wishes. I was intending to keep away from you, as much as it was killing me. I do not want you to get into trouble with your family.”
Evelina was silent for a moment. Her heart ached at the very thought of stopping this now. She was on fire, and it was threatening to consume her. There was a tense silence as he waited for her reply.
He shuddered, pulling her closer. A wave of emotion passed between them, so intense that it was almost overwhelming.
“If you are willing to accept the risks, then so am I.” He hesitated. “But we must both accept that this is doomed if we do that. When it is time for it to end—and that time will come—then we both must be prepared for it.”
Evelina’s heart tightened in distress at the very thought. She knew he spoke the brutal truth, even though she didn’t want to acknowledge it. She took a deep breath.
