Page 30 of A Reason to Stay


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He nodded once. “Good.”

I approached the chair and ran a finger across the wood, feeling the smooth slickness. It was in perfect condition, and had beautiful carvings on top of the backrest.

“This is beautiful, Drew, but—”

“Maria, don’t worry about it. You need a rocking chair. And you need a stroller,” he added, pointing a finger at me seriously. He took a step towards me. “If the women from church don’t give you one, I want you to buy one.”

I touched the carvings at the top of the chair. They looked like ornate swirls of flowers or waves, or something abstract, and they matched the rings of the wood.

“Andrew,” I said, “That’s very generous, but I don’t want to go overboard. You never did give me a budget to work with.”

He cocked his head at me and tucked his thumbs into his pockets, stalking towards me slowly. There was something in his expression and in the way he walked that reminded me of that night over a year ago. I could finally see a glimpse of that same man. Flashes of our night together crossed my mind, and I felt my breath catch as his eyes seemed to drill into mine.

“Don’tAndrewme, Maria. I’m serious about this. You get what you need to take care of our boys. And yourself,” he said, and his gaze dropped down to look at my body before he met my eye again. “Mom was right. You need sun… you’re fading.”

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from snapping back a retort about him having no right to say shit about what I needed, but… hewasright. I did feel like I was fading away.

I missed my walks in the morning sunlight. I missed finding a pretty park and enjoying a sandwich while I watchedbutterflies. I missed laughing with a group of friends out by a river or a sandy beach. I missed lying outside on a blanket and feeling my body tingle from the sun.

“Okay,” I said.

He nodded, and then went to the fridge to grab his nightly beer.

I sat down in my rocking chair. It didn’t even need a cushion. The shape of the seat and the curve of the bars on the back were comfortable, and I found myself rocking gently, imagining taking Jacob and Matthew on a walk in the morning light.

CHAPTER NINE

The café near the library was a tiny little place with a few bistro tables, some armchairs, and a few couches in one corner. Jacob and Matthew were passed around the circle, the ladies in the prayer group fighting for their chance to hold them. I sipped a decaf cappuccino and let my arms rest. Sunlight poured through the window, and my legs were tingling from the warmth. Around me, women smiled and laughed and gossiped, shooing their own children over to the play corner.

Just being here made me feel like a human again.I listened to the conversations around me in silence.

“So I told him, ‘I knowyouthink I’m pretty, but if I don’tfeelpretty, I don’t want you to touch me.’ I haven’t had another complaint about my monthly spa day since! Unfortunately that means I owe him sex once a week.”

“I wish he would help out once in a while. He won’t even take out the trash without me begging him to do so, let alone mow the lawn. But then he gets snippy about me hiring the neighbor boy to do it.”

“He seems convinced my goal in life is to shop us out of house and home. I only want the place to look acceptable, so his parents don’t mock my homemaking when they come over every Sunday afternoon.”

“So Maria,” Julie asked me, cutting off the husband gossip. “How are you doing?”

“Good,” I smiled. “Busy.Tired. Always tired.” The eyes of the women around the circle went to me.

“Does Andy help you with the boys?” The woman who asked was bouncing Jacob in her arms and he was smiling at her.

“Oh, yeah. He takes care of them when he gets home. He’s very helpful.”

“That’s so sweet,” another woman asked. “Does he help around the house?”

“Yeah, well… it ishishouse I’m living in. He helps clean a lot on the weekends. Or when it rains. He doesn’t go to work when it rains.”

“How did you guys meet?” Julie asked, furthering my interrogation.

“Well… we met at a bar, actually. In Atlantic City, New Jersey.”

“So you guys are dating? Or engaged? Or...?”

None of your business,I wanted to say. But I swallowed my retort. “Actually… he’s offered to help me out until I can get back on my feet.” I thought back to those first few months by myself.I couldn’t remember much of it. “I was living in a run-down apartment with mold in the walls and I was basically on my own. I called him and he picked me up and moved me down here.”

The questions continued.

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