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“What will you hunt?” she asked. Her voice had softened.
I stared at my plate and stabbed my asparagus with more effort than necessary. “Deer.”
“Do you eat it?”
“If you’re going to kill something for sport, you’d better damn well use it,” I muttered.
“Language, Andrew.”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, but barely. “They can’t understand curse words,” I muttered.
“You’d be amazed what they understand,” she quipped back.
“Oh?” I looked up at her. That was a mistake.
She had one elbow on the table, her chin resting in her hand, staring at the boys in their matching highchairs. She had that wonder-filled expression she got whenever she watched my sons.
I stood and took my empty plate up to the sink, grabbing hers on the way past her. I washed them both and loaded them in the dishwasher so she’d have no reason to come into the kitchen yet.
I needed a break from her, and that sweet look in her eye. Because she kept getting prettier every time I looked at her, and it was about to drive me insane.
What kind of damn witch magic was that, anyway? Her eyes seemed brighter than ever, and I loved watching the little crinkles at the corner of her eyes and lips when she smiled. I loved the plumpness of her cheeks and the hollow at the base of her neck, and the graceful wisp of hair right by her ear that always fell out of her ponytail and curled up around itself. I loved the way her eyebrows weren’t quite the same shape, and how one seemed to be naturally higher than the other at all times. I loved that sweet, tender look she got when I went out of my way to serve her, and the wonder and joy that filled her face when she held or played with my sons.
She’s just here until she can be on her own, I had to remind myself. Her words came back to me.You didn’t steal my future, just my sophomore year. I was reminding myself of that more and more, multiple times a day, but it had stopped sinking in. And against my better judgment, I’d started to envision what life would be like if Maria didn’t leave.
It was a beautiful vision. Almost as beautiful as her. I could watch the boys grow up. Teach them to hunt and fish, take them camping or rafting up the river. They could go to school on the reservation and learn their history and their heritage and their language. We could have Christmas dinners at my parent’s house with the whole family. I’d have someone to teach the family business, and maybe pass it down to one day.
But that meant Maria giving up her dreams and her future. Was I willing to ask her for that?
I couldn’t ask her to stay up here. Our rural little town wasbarelya town, and all the surrounding areas were just as poverty-stricken. The university twenty minutes away was the only thing keeping the economy in place. There was no future for her here. Not with a mind as brave and bright as hers.
Maybe she would let me visit the boys as they got older? Or come and stay with me over their summer vacations?
But then I didn’t gether.
Part of the reason I wanted to go hunting this weekend was to get some distance from them all and see if it helped clear my head. Because right now, the thought of her leaving and taking my sons away made me want to puke. And the thought of coming home to an empty apartment, with no smiling Maria singing to herself in the kitchen made my heart ache in ways I didn’t have words for.
That Saturday morning I got up right before six. Jonah told me he would meet me at sunrise, so I had an hour to get to the valley where I was supposed to meet him. In the kitchen, I brewed a pot of coffee and kept it on warm so it would be ready for Maria when she woke up. While I waited for it to brew, Isnuck back down the hallway and poked my head into her room, where the door was cracked open slightly.
I knew I shouldn't have, but part of me was a glutton for punishment. She was sprawled out on the small bed, her hair a tangled mess around her face. She had the blanket pulled up to her chin, but I could see the curves of her naked shoulder and back. Her face was relaxed and she looked utterly peaceful, and I could once again see the evidence of her age.She’s only twenty years old, I reminded myself.She isn’t here because she wants to be. She’s here because she has no choice. And when the time comes… you’re going to have to let her go, and not be a dick.
Creeping quietly away from her room, I made my way to the front door to find a note taped to the door.Lunch in the fridge, it said. Sure enough, on the top shelf of the fridge was a brown paper bag with my name on it. I grabbed the bag and left the house.
I met Jonah about thirty minutes later. It was a drive to get to where we wanted to go, but it was worth it. The property was privately owned, but I knew the guy who owned it, and he let us hunt there as much as we wanted. Mark Sullivan was a great guy, and he had respect for his land… And he had a deer problem.
When I got out of the car, Brutus came barreling towards me, slobbering all over my jeans and chewing playfully on my shoes. I rubbed and hugged my dog, patting his hips.
“He’s gotten fat.”
“You don’t feed him enough.” Jonah grinned at me. “You’ve gotten fat, too. That woman treating you well?”
“We are not talking aboutthe woman.”
“Oh come on,” Jonah said as I went around to the back of my truck and started unloading my gear. “You haven’t liked a girl in a decade.”
“I’m doing her a favor,” I said.
“Right… yourpenance. What is it with you and getting your one-night-stands pregnant?”
