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“Okay,” he whispered, and leaned forward towards me. I lifted my chin to meet him, but he turned his face and whispered in my ear. “Merry Christmas, Maria.” He placed the smallest kiss on the side of my cheek, hesitating for a moment and inhaling, like he was smelling me. Then he pulled away and looked at the ground as he went back down the hall to the master bedroom.
My heart was pounding and my stomach felt fluttery as I leaned against the hallway for a moment, and then snuck back into my own room, leaving the door cracked. Just in case.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“I heard what you said.”
Don’t do this. Don’t push.
“To your mom. About going to school up here.”
You’re being stupid. You’re a complete fool.
“You can stay as long as you want.”
I’m not sure what else I said that night, because the fire behind Maria’s eyes was back, and it dragged me kicking andscreaming back through that door I’d slammed shut in my brain. Back to the night where it had been so easy to let go of everything and be with her; be honest, be open, be who I needed to be, and take what I needed.
What I needed washer. I was sure of it. But it was so wrong.
No, not wrong.Selfish. That was the word.
Sitting around my childhood home opening Christmas gifts and watching the boys laugh and smile, laughing with my brother, watching my family play with my sons… this was something big, and precious, and no matter what my motivations were going into this, I wanted it. It felt right.
It’ll never happen.Maria was almost ten years younger than me, and needed to get back to her life. She needed a chance to meet and fall in love with someone her own age who she actually liked.
But the thought of someone else holding her at night, making her smile, stepping into my place as the father of my sons made me want to throw her over my shoulder and get her pregnant again.
“Merry Christmas, Maria.” Her skin was like velvet under my lips, and I heard her breath catch as I touched her. I couldn't help but relish the feeling and the smell of her skin, hot and heady with a hint of spice.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I practically ran down the hall to get away from her before I scooped her up to take her to my bed.
The next few months went by in a blur. At work, we finished the project for the community pool, and got two new housing projects started. January and February were dry, but brutally cold. March rolled around and we were met with almostconstant rain, which essentially kept me home and unable to do much more than paperwork.
I didn’t push Maria again.I couldn’t stomach the idea of manipulating her into something she didn’t want.
That glitter in her eye was back, though. I thought maybe she wanted me to make a move. Still, I wasn’t going to cross that line unless I knew she was sticking around. And this time, I was going to make her take the lead. I could not put her in a compromising position, and I certainly didn’t want her to resent me because she felt pressured.
One afternoon while the boys slept, I saw she’d spread out some flyers and documents at the kitchen table. She was reading through brochures and pamphlets and didn’t even notice me approaching.
As quietly as possible, I leaned over and got close enough to her ear that I could whisper. “And what are you up to over here?” I watched the hair rise on the back of her neck and goosebumps appear on her arms.
“I, uh…” she flipped the brochure over. “I’m comparing class requirements between NJC and Western Carolina, to see what I can transfer…” she turned her head a smidge and her eyes widened as she realized I was closer to her than she’d expected. Her eyes dropped to my lips for a moment, and the most delicious blush spread over her cheeks.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Tell me you’ll stay.
“And how’s that going?”
I barely heard her answer. Something about credit hours. It sounded positive. I was stuck staring at her mouth. Watching those beautiful lips and tongue move was a level of eroticism that I’d never noticed before. Was watching her speak always this sexy? Or just when I was up in her face?
She bit her lip, waiting for a response. I tore my gaze from her mouth and stood straight, forcing some space between us, and gave a non-committal grunt.
“You didn’t hear a word I said, did you Andrew?” She grinned widely, a mischievous sparkle in her eye. She playfully smacked my arm.
