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The day she planned to leave, I took off so I could help her pack. She had almost everything shoved into her tiny car, and I loaded the bags and suitcases and stray toys into every nook and cranny I could find. The one thing she couldn’t take with her was the one thing I never wanted to look at again: that damn rocking chair. It sat in the corner of the room, neither of us willing to acknowledge that it was up to me to dispose of the thing.
The boys were fussy and were kicking and crying as she buckled them in. I stood in the driveway, mute, numb, unable to process what was going on. I understood she was leaving to help her mom and get back on her feet—like she always said she would—but I didn’t understand why my former relationship with Ruth Sutton, and the daughter I wasn’t allowed to take care of, had anything to do with us.
I watched her push her hair out of her face for the umpteenth time that morning, trying to get Matthew to stop wiggling while she buckled him into his car seat.
“Sit still!” she snapped. He froze, and then started to cry. She dropped her head in shame.
My eyes burned. My throat was so thick I couldn’t swallow.I felt completely paralyzed.
Maria took a deep breath, buckled Matthew in, and kissed him on the forehead, wiping away his tears. “I’m sorry, baby,” she whispered. “Momma loves you.”
I clenched my jaw. She was so fucking perfect, so good to our boys, and she loved them so much. She was such a good mom, and such a sweet, strong, brave person. What the actual fuck was I going to do without her? I started to feel panicky, like there were fire ants crawling all over my back and arms.No, there’s no way this is happening. I can’t be losing them. This is a joke.
She finally finished, and she shut the door, standing tall and taking a deep breath. She looked up at the sky. Then she faced me for the first time in what felt like a decade.
“Thank you, Drew.”
Don’t leave.
“I’ll… send you photos.”
Please stay. Don’t take them away. Don’t leave me.
“You’re welcome to visit, just call me.”
I’m in love with you.
My stomach dropped out as she turned away. Her eyes flashed with that incredible strength that couldn’t be beat out of her, even at her lowest moments, and she climbed into her car with her chin held high. I heard the engine start. The radio turned on.Your time has come to shine, all your dreams are on their way.
I choked and my hand flew to my mouth as the car started moving. Then she pulled out of the driveway, and I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, because it felt like I was falling. The only thing I could see were Jacob’s hands stretching up in the back window, and the flutter of Maria’s hair moving from the air conditioning. My throat burned. My chest ached. My legs hurt. I felt like I was dying. So I did the only thing I could think of, even though it was too little too late.
I took off running.
No way, Greenwood,I thought.No fucking way. Greenwoods don’t quit until they decide they’re done. And we are not done here.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
The hardest day of my life so far was just beginning, and it was off to a shit start. Drew stood there, blank faced, unmoving, while I buckled the boys in. He didn’t even come around to say goodbye to them. I snapped at Matthew, which made me feel like a total asshole.
Last chance,I thought to myself.Because once I leave here, I’m not coming back like a dog with my tail between my legs.
“Thank you, Drew,” I said, forcing myself to look at him. I would be a grown-up about this.
“I’ll send you photos… You’re welcome to visit, just call me.”
Ask me to stay. Tell me you hate me. Do something. Don’t just stand there like a damn statue.
He looked like he wasn’t even breathing.
This is why I’m leaving,I reminded myself.This.Right here.Because Andrew clearly didn’t care. He’d paid his debt, he’d earned his points, he’d cleared his conscience. I was getting out of his home and leaving him to his life, and would no longer be a burden to him.
Maybe I wasn’t a good enough replacement.
Without even a goodbye, I turned and got into my car, feeling like I was ripping my heart in half. Simon and Garfunkel wailed about dreams and friendship while I drove down the street and pulled onto the highway.
Jacob started crying. I started crying too, because damn if I didn’t despise Andrew Greenwood at that moment. My heart was aching, I was scared, without a job, and about to move in with my mom and earn some real true wrath from my father.
But damn it, I deserved more than Andrew’s pity. If I was going to accept help from someone, it was going to be because they wanted to give it to me, because they loved me and my sons.Because they wanted to be with me.
