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Ronald gave her a smile and bowed. “I’ll do whatever you need, my lady. Your father is in the morning room, if you want to go in?”
“I might take a walk around the garden first before I see him. I want to stretch my legs.” Ellie patted his arm. “Thank you, Ronald.”
Walking away and leaving Ronald to deal with the carriage and her luggage, Ellie headed around the side of the house and into the rose garden. It had been set up when her grandfather was the earl and the gardeners still looked after it, cultivating all of the roses and making sure they all bloomed beautifully. It was Ellie’s favourite place to go, to sit on the bench by the pond and inhale the scents around her.
There was also a little collection of carnations by the bench, something Ellie had asked if she could plant where only roses were growing before. It had taken a while for her father to agree to it, but now there were yellow carnations blooming by the biggest rose bush. Ellie found it surprisingly calming.
She needed that right now, especially when all she wanted to do was cry. Even though she was numb, the urge to burst into tears was great. Ellie didn’t want to do that in front of her father. He would ask questions, and Ellie wasn’t sure how to answer them.
Collapsing onto the bench, Ellie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. And again. A third time had the tight band in her chest easing a little. It was better after a few more breaths, although Ellie still felt like she wanted to cry. Opening her eyes, she watched the carnations blowing gently in the wind.
They reminded her of the bouquet of yellow carnations Derrick had given her. Everyone else had to have thought something was seriously wrong with both of them, but Ellie had always liked yellow, and it was her favourite flower. Derrick had simply followed her wishes. He had always done that.
But that didn’t stop the anger at the fact he had been unfaithful to her. Of course, Ellie couldn’t expect him to love her as she loved him, but he could have, at the very least, not slept with someone else. And it had to be with a vile woman like Catherine Saxton.
He had to be insane to think that wouldn’t have gotten out. Lady Catherine was clearly sowing discord between them. But was she telling her the truth? Was this actually happening, or was Lady Catherine trying to ruin their marriage?
If that was the case, then she had run away for nothing.
No, not for nothing. You need time away to clear your head and figure things out. This will be beneficial.
Why bother? He doesn’t love me, and I need to accept it.
Until he says so, you don’t know for sure.
Ellie knew she needed time away from Derrick. If she didn’t, she was going to go mad, and that wasn’t going to help anyone. Especially herself.
“Ellie, dear?”
She looked around. Lord Gillingham was approaching her, walking tall and gracefully without any sign of his cane. It was like he hadn’t recently been badly ill. Ellie wasn’t even sure she was looking at the same person.
She shot to her feet. “Father? I… where’s your cane?”
“I don’t need it anymore.” Gillingham gestured at himself. “Of course, I’m not completely recovered, but I’m far better than before. The doctor is confident I don’t need my cane anymore.”
The sight of her father, whom she hadn’t seen in a long time, had Ellie unable to hold back the tears. She started to cry, and she covered her face with her hands.
“Oh, Ellie.” Footsteps approached her and arms went around her. “Come here. There’s no need to cry.”
Ellie clung to her father as she sobbed, burying her face in his chest. She had thought she wouldn’t be able to get anything else out, but the floodgates were open, and she was struggling to fight it back. Gillingham just held her in silence, gently rubbing her back.
He didn’t speak until Ellie’s sobs had calmed down.
“Of all the reactions I expected from you, this wasn’t one of them.”
“Forgive me, Father.” Ellie eased back and fumbled for her handkerchief. “I think there’s a lot built up inside me. Oh, for goodness sake, where’s my handkerchief?”
Something white waved near her face, and Ellie saw her father holding out a handkerchief. He gave her a smile.
“You look like you’ve got a lot built up there, sweetheart. You don’t need to be upset anymore. You’re home now.”
“I’m glad about that.” Ellie took the handkerchief and wiped her eyes before blowing her nose. “I want to stay for a few days, if that’s alright? I just need time to myself.”
“Of course you can. You’re always welcome here. What about Regina and Dorothea?”
“I told them to stay. They’ve got a cottage, and they’re now secure. I want them to focus on themselves and not on me.”
Gillingham sighed. “Even after all of this, you’re still more concerned about them?”
