AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Could we go to the church?” Abilene finally speaks, and if her voice were a color, it’d be the dullest of greys. Depressing and aloof.
Sharing a look with my brothers, we all nod in agreement before Zak sidles up behind her, placing his hands on her ribcage and cuddling into her back as he responds, “We can go wherever you want.”
Tangling my fingers with hers, I bring her hand to my lips, kissing across each knuckle before giving her affirmation. “Whatever you want.” Something happened in there, and I don’t believe it had anything to do with Gladys anymore. It’s in her mind. That depressive grey has invaded her private world and taken hold.
“Anything for you,chemo sikharulo.” Levan cups her chin, his eyes narrowing, but she doesn’t meet his stare. Her entire body is set in stone. Lethargic and unaware of the scrutiny we’re putting her under, she pulls from all three of us and walks out into the frigid air. Snow falls heavily, masking her trek to the vehicle before Zak and I can catch up with her while Levan pays for her items and arranges delivery to the house.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Zak tries as he helps her into the SUV. She doesn’t answer him. Instead, she slides all the way across the seat to rest her head against the chilly window of the other door.
I must keep reminding myself that it’s been years since we’ve known Abilene. She’s grown in many ways since her friendship with Yelena, and not all of them healthy. She’s suffered and lived in poverty. Been abandoned by everyone she thought she knew, and now she’s likely feeling overwhelmed.
The only place she’s felt safe in far too long is the church.
Levan is silent as he climbs in the passenger seat, and I take the driver’s side while Zak sits in the back with her. The ride is slow, given the road conditions, and silent with our need to know everything running through Abilene’s head. We also understand she’s going through something none of us can relate to. Her life has never been like ours.
Our worlds are vastly different, and until now, today, seeing her like this, I don’t think any of us were prepared for just how much. For months, we’ve had an idea about the abuse she’s suffered, and I will regret with every fiber of my being until the day I die that we didn’t rescue her after that first confession. We should have. From the moment we decided she might be the one for us, we should have gone for her.
“Stop it,” Levan snaps at me, obviously seeing where my head is at.
The problem with the guilt I’ve felt over what she’s endured is that there have been dozens of other people who’ve needed our help more. Being a savior of the night hasn’t been easy, and when the risk of death at getting caught is the only option, we must be careful. We’ve had to pick and choose. Some we’ve won, others we’ve lost.
The burden has always been ours, however. We’ve done our best since Yelena died to wipe out the scum of the earth from Poti and the surrounding areas, and it’s not been easy when they pop up like unwanted varmints.
Everyone thinks that because we aren’t as deep in the gun trading business as we used to be, we’re out of the game, and they try to take over. It’s been a while since anyone has tried to encroach on our area, but there have been rumblings of a new up-and-comer who hasn’t heard of just how vengeful we can be.
Pulling up outside the church, we all move to leave the vehicle and escort Abilene inside when she asks, “Can I go in alone? Please?” She still won’t look up. Won’t acknowledge any of us. Silence follows her inside the church as we wait for her return. If she returns.
* * *
Abilene
Cold has seeped into my bones, and not just from the weather. It’s a soul-deep freeze. A unique feeling that tells me I’m not worthy, and it’s infecting me. I can’t shake it. It started with the sexy dress, and despite it being beautiful and Gladys assuring me I looked terrific in it, all it’s done is remind me of the differences between them and me.
They’re rich. I’m poor.
They’re sophisticated. I’m uneducated.
They’re self-assured. I’m timid.
They’re strong. I’m weak.
I could go on and on about our disparities and how they circle my brain, but it’s drowning me. I feel so lost in a sea of magical lands, and I can’t seem to get a grip to bring me ashore.
Father Marcum is the only one who understands. He’s the only one who can help me wade through my feelings and thoughts.
But first, I must confess. I allowed Levan to touch me in a way that no one should. No matter how much I enjoyed it, I never should have let it go as far as it did.
Walking quickly to the confessional, I say a quick prayer for relief before entering the otherwise silent and empty church.
“I am here.” His strong voice is a balm to my soul.
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” Choking out the words, I fight off the tears attempting to strangle me.
“Tell me what you’ve done.” His tone is already filled with understanding.
The words burst free from my chest. “Yesterday, I tried to commit suicide. I didn’t realize I was doing that until after. I had a moment, a single second in time, where I was in complete control of where I was and who I was, and all I kept thinking was, what if I weren’t here anymore? Nobody would miss me. My mother and best friend are dead. My father and uncle barely notice my existence until they get the urge to touch me.” I pause to swallow past the lump in my throat and wipe the tears from my cheeks. “That’s not all, however.”
“It’s not?”
