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“I don’t think I’m ready to talk to them yet,” I say. “They’ll freak out when they hear what I’ve been up to.”
“They don’t know?”
“No,” I say. “Ever since…”
Wait—I never told them about Gus.
Even after everything that’s happened to us, I haven’t told them.
“You know what?” I say. “I’ll tell you while we eat.”
We pass through a courtyard and into a lavish dining room, which has been transformed into a mess hall. Soldiers part for us as we walk past, my legs a little unsteady after being in bed for so long. I don’t see anyone I recognize; the joint army has taken over the planet, the war having started while I was asleep.
It feels fucking weird. Like a seismic shift happened while I napped…and I woke up seeing the world through different eyes.
Literally.
We take a seat in a recessed lounge, Taraven going to get some food. When he comes back, it isn’t anything like the decadent feast we had last time we were here, but I don’t care. I dig into the plain rice and mushroom rations, eager to get some human food. We all go quiet as we eat, the two of them patient with me.
I get anxious when I finish…because I hate talking about this.
I hate when people pity me.
And I kept Taraven at arm’s length for months because of what I’m about to say.
“I need to talk to you,” I say. “Specificallyyou, Taraven.”
He frowns. “What is it?”
“I…” I swallow, shaking my head. I’m still holding my fork, my knuckles white around the handle. “I don’t want you to pity me, and I’m not using this as an excuse. I treated you like you meant nothing to me for too long, and then you were almost taken from me—from both of us. And that’s on me.”
He cocks his head but says nothing, his bioluminescence flaring orange with intrigue.
“The reason I don’t want to call my parents yet is because my best friend—the man I thought was the love of my life—died six years ago,” I say.
Taraven opens his mouth to console me, I’m sure, but I cut him off.
“I’m not looking for your condolences,” I say. “I’ve had more than enough of that over the years. I just…it’s important for me to acknowledge that he was part of my life, and that he’s the reason things never went anywhere with us before, Taraven. Because I was scared. But after everything that’s happened, I’ve realized I can’t lose either one of you without you knowing how I feel.”
Shit. I’m going to fucking cry. Ihatecrying in front of people, and there are people everywhere, watching us like we’re the next great reality TV show.
Hold it together, Frankie.
“I know it’s unconventional, but I want us to be honest with each other, and I want both of you to be my family,” I say. “There’s obviously something between us, and I’m done pretending to be tough,donepretending like the job comes first. We’ve done our duty and I know there’s a war on, but…from now on, we prioritize each other, okay?”
I look at Malix.
“That means no more making life-threatening decisions on the fly,” I say.
“It was—”
“I know it was necessary,” I say. “But if we endanger ourselves, we do it together, okay?”
I turn and take Taraven’s hand. His eyes have turned a deep, rosy pink—that warm rose-gold color I love so much. “And you…I love you, Taraven. I don’t think I’ve really said it before, butIlove you. I should have told you months ago and I was afraid. But after the shit we’ve seen, how close every single one of us came to death…I’m not afraid anymore.”
“I love you too,” Taraven says—simple, plain, without hesitation. His thumb grazes my knuckles as he draws closer to me, his tail curling around me. “We are going to win this war. And we areallgoing to make it out alive.”
I gaze into his eyes, searching for the lie. There is none; this is complete honesty. I feel Malix on my other side, his hands on my shoulders, his lips brushing my neck. I’m sure people are watching us, that this breaks a thousand Lyran rules…but he does it anyway.
