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I could sense his hesitation; it reminded me of Midnight and her hesitation to reveal why she disliked Daniel. I was in such a difficult position; unable to choose whose side to stand on.
I wanted to know more about Daniel, but would I have to exchange Midnight’s past to get him to open up? And was that exchange worth Midnight’s distrust?
We both experienced what Daniel was experiencing, and could both agree that it would take some time, something we’d have to respect.
My arms tightened around him, wanting to feel his closeness. His confession was enough to calm my anxiety regarding us, but I knew deep down it wouldn’t satisfy it. I felt a weird sensation flow through me – caution. I felt confused, not understanding why I suddenly felt cautious of Daniel.Midnight?
I felt a tingle like sensation flow into my mind, but no words were spoken.
“She probably wants to remind you of her dislike of him.”Hope’s melodic voice echoed against the walls of my mind; the soothing sound calmed me down immediately.
I’ve missed you Hope.
“And I’ve missed you Makoto. Please take it easy. Your body’s struggling to regain its magic levels, especially after your outburst. I just don’t want you becoming ill again.”
I closed my eyes, sending comforting waves of emotion through my mind. My spirits had been very vigilant the last couple of days, barely entering my mind; they had only entered to greet me, when I woke up and to wish me goodnight before bed.
Rose occasionally checked in, but even she was very cautious as to how long she lingered, before fading to her designated spot. I had to admit, a part of me missed their constant bickering. I’d probably regret such a confession later on.
Thank you, Hope, for caring. I’ll be careful, I promise...love you.
“And we love you, too. Tell Daniel and his angel I say hi.” She bid farewell, leaving my mind, the quietness that followed made me apprehensive and afraid. When would this loneliness stop taunting me?
“Makoto.”
I glanced up, my eyes wide from the sudden calling of my name.
Daniel frowned; his displeased expression confused me.
“How long have you been feeling this way?” he questioned.
“I don’t know what you’re referring to,” I whispered, glancing away, unable to look him in the eye.
“Makoto,” he repeated; his voice stern. It was quite apparent he wasn’t going to let this go.
“Ever since I woke up from being in that coma or whatever it’s called. I haven’t been able to rid myself of this agonizing feeling of loneliness. I don’t know, maybe it’s because my spirits aren’t as present in my mind as they were before or the fact I’d been stuck indoors till yesterday. Then I argued with Elias and fucked that up pretty bad. The feeling just keeps coming back, and I can’t ignore it. I want it gone. I hate feeling alone...I don’t want to be alone again in that darkness...it was so cold.” I swallowed, squeezing my eyes shut.
I’d only been able to tell Ryder in detail of the darkness I had experienced during those agonizing two weeks, unable to explain without breaking down into tears. I doubt anyone could understand the extent of my fear or the bone gripping chill that surged through me with the thoughts of the cold darkness that consumed me for hours.
“Mako. It’s okay.” He sat up, still holding me in his arms before repositioning me into his lap as I began to cry.
“I hate this. I haven’t felt like this since Lily’s death, feeling so fucking worthless and I don’t understand why. I’m free now! I have you guys around me to comfort me and my spirits. Even Midnight’s frequent appearances should help me, yet I still feel so empty and alone.
“I never broke down when they use to beat me constantly in the facility or locked me in the freezing dungeons for Starlight knows how long. I watched the shifters who I once called family die every day, some by our blood-soaked hands and I never felt like I do now. I reached my limit trying to save the people I care about and I can’t beat this stupid emotion! I want it gone!”
I felt so angry at being so weak and vulnerable. I didn’t want to feel this way anymore. I wanted to focus on enjoying my newly obtained freedom with the people I loved. Not reminded by the experience that tormented my mind the last five days, tugging at my conscious in a desperate effort to take control once more.
“Makoto. Calm down,” Daniel whispered, his voice laced with worry.
“Daniel. You don’t get it! It won’t stop. It won’t leave me alone! Every time I close my eyes I’m reminded of that darkness. I’m forgotten, nothing but a mere memory with no way out and no voice to speak. I’m forced to sleep because I have to recover, but the moment my eyes close, it’s just another endless battle. I know I’ll get over it; maybe...I just can’t handle it right now. I just want to know why I feel this way. Am I sick? Is this a part of me having four spirits? Can’t anyone give me a fucking explanation as to why I can’t get rid of this?” I argued, glaring at him with tear-filled eyes.
We stared at each other for a long moment, before he reached out and tightened his hold around me, pulling me against his chest while his hand soothingly stroked my head.
I continued my frustrated cry, until I had no more tears left. I bet he thought I was a failure.
Maybe they thought I was pathetic and weak, after once displaying such power and strength.
“Makoto, you’re not pathetic or weak. Everyone deals with some type of crisis in life, sometimes multiple times throughout their cycles. We don’t love you any less for showing such vulnerabilities. It’s not wrong or frowned upon. I’m sorry we were dishonest with you and we’ll get through this together, okay?” Daniel soothed; his voice took on it’s singing like sound as it traveled through the room.
