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“Be careful,” said Graham. He turned back to me, lowering his voice. “I’m sorry. If it weren’t for my father—”
“I know. Keep yourself safe and stay out of the fight,” I whispered. “I—I won’t be able to stop it without your help.” I wanted to beg him to save himself, to forget his family and get out of the city, but with his maid nearby, and my fear in the throat, I shut my mouth instead.
The sadness in his eyes deepened. He took my hands in his and I tried to ignore the tingle under my skin.
“Goodbye,” he said. “I hope we meet again.”
If only. I nodded, but I knew we wouldn’t. My heart seemed numb, but my head buzzed with too many thoughts to sort through. What could I say?Thank you for everything, but I wish I’d never known you because how will I forget you now?But all I said out loud was goodbye.
I let go of his hands and joined Miss Amaia on the other side of the room, feeling weak and lightheaded. It didn’t help that the stupid dress wouldn’t let me take a real breath.
I left the room without looking back.
* * *
Miss Amaiaand I took the stairs to the floor below. A few servants passed us, but none really looked at me. Before we took the second staircase, I caught a glimpse of the queen through the doorway at the end of the hall. She stood beside the king’s bed with the doctor, her hands covering her face.
I stopped and stared. I had to remind myself that only yesterday she was a monster who expressed a death wish for Graham, but now she looked so weak and vulnerable.
“Come along,” said Miss Amaia.
I jerked my gaze away and caught up to her on the stairway.
On the main floor, we went through the servants’ door to the grounds. My breaths were still suppressed by the tightness of my bodice, although I kept my back as straight as possible. My buttons wouldn’t hold if I moved the wrong way. Miss Amaia, on the other hand, looked composed and only slightly flushed now.
We passed through the manicured green garden, its hedges and topiaries tightly trimmed. As we approached the guards at the gate, my heart picked up speed. I stayed behind Miss Amaia and kept my face down.
“To what destination are you ladies headed?” one guard asked. I wasn’t sure if his tone was suspicious or flirtatious, but I didn’t like it either way.
We’d planned what to say, but for once, my tongue was tied. The guards looked me up and down. They weren’t the same ones who’d been at the gate when I entered, thankfully, but I became even more self-conscious of the overly tight dress. I lifted the stack of blankets with my things hidden inside higher on my chest. The movement made a button give out. I took in a gasping breath, setting another one loose. I thought I heard it land on the gravel path.
I closed my eyes.Please don’t notice. Please don’t notice.
Fortunately, Miss Amaia kept her composure, along with her buttons. She curtsied and spoke softly. “The queen sent us out to retrieve new materials for Imperator Brennin’s comfort. These blankets are not to her liking.”
The guard’s face grew solemn. “Oh, of course. We wouldn’t want to keep them waiting. Go on then.”
Miss Amaia walked forward, but with two buttons missing on my back, I was afraid to follow. I pushed out the remaining air in my lungs and took a careful step through the gates. Another button popped open on my back. I went faster, half-expecting the guards to stop me. My dress seemed to get tighter with every breath, and I was sure my bare skin was making an appearance. But the guards said nothing, and I wondered if they were simply too shocked by the rare glimpse of skin to think clearly.
I caught up to Miss Amaia in the street. “I’m about to lose this dress!” I hissed through my teeth.
She followed me as I ran into an alleyway. At least two more buttons popped off on the way. I tried to control my laughter so I wouldn’t be standing there naked. It was strange to laugh when I felt so empty inside, but I couldn’t help myself.
“I’m sorry I ruined your dress,” I said when we were alone, but I was afraid my sincerity was weakened by the wheezing.
“It’s only a couple buttons—or ten.” She unwrapped my bag and Graham’s clothes from the blanket and handed them to me.
I put on Graham’s shirt and trousers while Miss Amaia held up blankets to hide me. I tucked my hair into the top hat and returned her damaged dress, hoping it wouldn’t get her into trouble.
“Thank you,” I said. “You saved me today—and you don’t even know me.”
“My loyalty is to Sir Brennin,” she said, “but I confess I don’t completely trust his judgment this time.” She stepped back and fixed a disapproving gaze on my bag.
I had to hide it. I slid it under my white button-up shirt and tucked the hem into my black trousers, making myself look like a nobleman with ill-fitting clothes and a potbelly. “If I may be so bold,” said Miss Amaia, “I’d suggest you don’t return.”
My smile faltered and my insides pinched together. “I won’t.”
She nodded. “Safe travels, then.”
