Page 1 of Always Him

one

LANDON

The cold winterair nips at my skin as I lean back against the hood of my car. In the distance, I can make out the twinkling lights of the Northern California city of Santa Cruz. It’s a small town located at the northern tip of Monterey Bay. Just south of San Francisco. It’s a beautiful place to live, right near the redwood forests, the Santa Cruz Mountains, and the Pacific Ocean.

It’s nearly pitch-dark on this hilltop that Finn drove us up to. All I can see is the moon peeking out from behind the clouds and, of course, the light from my phone, counting down the minutes until the New Year.

“Four more minutes,” I announce, glancing at my best friend sitting at my side. I’ve known him for countless years, the two of us inseparable from the day we met. My older brother, Logan, is also part of our trio of friends, but there is just something about Finn, something that’s always drawn me to him.

For as long as I can remember it’s been like this. I’m caught up in his orbit, never able to pull myself away. Even when we lived apart, I felt him pulling me, reaching for me.

Finn shifts next to me as one of his arms wraps around my waist, his hand landing on my hip, and I lean into his touch.

He’s so warm, like a heated blanket. I just want to snuggle underneath him and never leave.

I love how he holds me and touches me every chance he gets. He’s always been particularly affectionate with me, but he seems to have really latched on after my car accident.

I look down at my legs extended before me, one flesh and bone and the other a prosthetic from the knee down. I remember that terrible night over a year ago. The night that changed everything, some things for the worse, but mostly for the better. I have to focus on the positive, the silver lining, or else I’ll break down.

Looking at Finn, I know he’s it. The ray of sunshine in an otherwise terrible memory.

I glance down at my phone again.

Three more minutes.

“So, who are we gonna kiss when the clock strikes twelve?” I tease, smiling and nudging Finn lightly. His large body barely moves an inch, though. He’s so strong, his broad shoulders bigger than mine, his legs thick with muscle. You can tell he works out just by looking at him. He’s a swimmer and a water polo player at his college. I’ve seen him play countless times, the way his abdomen flexes as he shoots out of the water, his biceps bulging as he launches the ball across the pool. It’s impressive, really. I don’t think I could ever do that. By nature, I’m a runner.

I glance down at my leg again. Well, I was a runner. I have to wait to be fitted for a new prosthetic before I’m able to move like that again.

Finn goes still; I’m not sure he’s even breathing as my words linger between us.

Kiss. Who are we going to kiss?

I glance up at him and reach out, running a hand through his dark-brown hair, cropped close to the sides of his head. It used to be longer, but he cut it before winter break.

He looks good all the time and I can’t help but feel a little jealous. With those dark eyes, those high cheekbones, and those lips. So fucking handsome. Yeah, I can be straight and still think these things objectively. I have eyes. Sue me.

And to be honest, it wouldn’t be a hardship to kiss him.

Yeah, we’re both straight, and we’ve never done anything sexual before. But really, what’s a friendly kiss between buddies? We already cuddle all the time so a peck on the lips doesn’t seem that strange.

“Who says a kiss is mandatory?” he asks softly.

I roll my eyes and nestle in closer to him. He’s always so serious, always overthinking.

“It’s not a new year if we don’t kiss someone. My dad says it’s bad luck not to.”

He turns his head toward me and his dark eyes, which I can’t see clearly at the moment, are watching me intently. I lean over and nuzzle my face against his jaw, the stubble there abrading my skin.

Yes, I realize this isn’t typical for straight dudes, but I do it anyways. Fuck everyone else. I like being affectionate with Finn.

I crave it.

“We’ll kiss,” I say, pulling away slightly. “You and me. My family has enough bad luck without throwing this into the mix.”

He swallows loudly. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

I cock my head and watch him. “Why not? Does it gross you out, thinking of your lips on mine?”

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